The Four Orcs
by Melphie13
Summary: Four Orcs were banished from Mordor because of their failure to do Orcish things. Trying to survive in the big world is not as easy as it seemed and the Orcs find themeselves desperately low on money; so they decide to try something not so risky: Ransom
1. A Rough Beginning

The Four Orcs  
  
By: Melphie13  
  
Summary: Four Orcs were banished from Mordor because of their simple failure to do Orcish things. Now they are trying to make their way in the big world beyond Mordor, but it isn't easy trying to make a good living and be a big bad Orc at the same time. Finally they decide to take drastic measures and try to get their money by using the next most likely tactic besides stealing. Ransom.  
  
Disclaimer: Ok, so I own the four Orcs names and personalities? Big whoop. The rest totally belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien...and maybe Peter Jackson, we'll see. And also a few tiny touches to the TV show "Little house on the prairie", and it's the lamest thing this side of Wisconsin, but it's really funny sometimes. The four Orcs are mine, my own, my precious, and they shall STAY AS SUCH!!! MWAHAHAHA!!! *ceiling falls down on head* Man, really gotta' watch that cackling.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Traveling far in some unexplored land, walking determinedly across a lush, grassy field, were four weary, road-worn travelers.  
  
Well actually, the probably would not be the correct way to describe it. The correct way would more than likely be:  
  
Off somewhere in a Valar-forsaken wilderness, trudging grouchily across a flat, brown-grassed plain, were four weary, road-worn Orcs. Yes, that's about right now, because that's what it was, really.  
  
Four Orcs were walking grumpily across the deserted, wide-open area, with the greatest of annoyance pulling a tired, old donkey with them, and on the donkey sat the leader of the gang, who thought it his right to ride on the donkey, being the leader and all.  
  
"Faster you idiots!!! We're supposed to reach the next city by sundown and at the rate we're going we'll be there by sundown of the NEXT DAY!!!" The leader shouted at the other tired Orcs.  
  
"Aw man Boss, can't we just stop and rest a while now?" One of the other Orcs panted, practically flopped over he was so tired. "My feet are killing me!"  
  
"Well live with it stick-man or you'll be left behind!" The leader shot back.  
  
"That's not very nice." The Orc in the back, the biggest, commented.  
  
The leader groaned. "It's not SUPPOSED to be nice, stupid!!! We're Orcs! And it's because of your guy's little mistakes just like that one that we got BANISHED in the FIRST PLACE!!!" He yelled quite loudly, so loudly in fact that he just about scared the donkey out of its hooves and the terrified creature gave a bucking bray and started dancing around wildly with the screaming Orc on its back, soon taking off into the horizon and leaving the leader flat in the dust.  
  
The other Orcs finally opened their eyes after a short spell, peering down cautiously at their motionless leader, and then hurrying over to him.  
  
"Gosh, are you Ok Boss?" The big Orc asked worriedly, quickly lifting the smaller Orc to his feet and helping brush him off.  
  
Well, the leader, (who by the way was called "Boss") certainly did not look Ok because he was glaring like a storm cloud and looked on the verge of throwing a temper tantrum. "Get...that...donkey...BACK!!!" He finally ground out at the top of his voice, causing his followers to jump back in surprise.  
  
"NOW!!!" He ordered, clearly offering no alternatives.  
  
Well, to say that these were your regular Orcs were simply out of the question. These Orcs were rather witless, rather dumb, rather clueless, and rather lost. That was pretty much the major reason why they got banished from Mordor. They just couldn't seem to do anything Orcishly right.  
  
Their pretty much self-elected leader was also the shortest of them all, Boss.  
  
And then the others, the other three I mean, were Bugley, Pugley, and Slim.  
  
Bugley was the biggest, and rather fat if I might say so.  
  
Pugley was as much as a brother to Bugley as Orcs can have brothers, (which I'm not sure they can) though not nearly as fat and big.  
  
Slim was, as you might have guessed, thin as a stick, and just about the slinkiest of them all.  
  
And so it was Boss, Bugley, Pugley, and Slim....and the four of them were not exactly the greatest of teams.  
  
Right now, they were rather hoping to reach the next city and do some good old robbing for a change, because they found that money was rather scarce in their department, and it wouldn't actually be that bad to have some more...  
  
"Look! The city!!! THE CITY!!!" Pugley shrieked, jumping up and down wildly and pointing over the edge of a cliff.  
  
Boss frowned from on top of the freshly-retrieved donkey. "You idiot, no city could survive at the bottom of a cliff!!"  
  
Pugley frowned stubbornly. "Well, this one does!"  
  
"Let me see!" Slim ordered frantically, running forward and looking right over the edge. "Hey, there is a city down there!"  
  
"Hmmmmm..." Boss thought for a moment. "Is it flying?"  
  
"Uh...nope." Bugley replied, looking up from where he was also looking over.  
  
"Hmmmmm...incongruous." Boss finally concluded importantly. "Well, in that case, we had better go down and see what's up for grabs!"  
  
"Uh, can't we eat first?" Bugley pleaded.  
  
"No!!!" Boss shouted, nearly startling the donkey up again.  
  
"But we never finished that rabbit meat..."  
  
Boss' eyes suddenly widened in clear insult. "I told you NEVER TO MENTION that rabbit meat again!!!" He bellowed in rage.  
  
Bugley gulped. "But I want it." He protested meekly.  
  
"No!!! NO YOU IDIOTS push UP!!!" Boss shouted orders at his crew the whole time the three of them were trying to get both their leader and the donkey down the steep slope that led to the valley below.  
  
The other three Orcs were not exactly having the best of luck in this matter. Slim was nearly completely crushed under the sliding donkey's weight, Bugley was trying to eat his rabbit meat and keep the donkey from falling off the nearby edge at the same time, and Pugley's arms were shaking as his strength began to give way.  
  
All in all, it ended up going the most likely way possible, and all five of the travelers went sailing head-over-heels down the slope, yelping and grunting the whole way until they finally came to the bottom.  
  
Slim was the very first to recover, sitting up at the bottom of the slope casually and looking around for the others. He made out the donkey calmly sitting in the soft grass patch they had landed in and eating his fill of the greenery.  
  
The Orc barely had time to roll his eyes before all three of the other Orcs suddenly came up from under him, tossing him right to the ground and then lying back down on the ground and groaning in pain.  
  
"Ohhh...I think...I think I want some more of that rabbit meat." Bugley groaned.  
  
"I think I'm broken..." Pugley moaned in clear agony.  
  
"I think you're all a bunch of IDIOTS!!!" Boss announced in as much pain as anyone else.  
  
After recovering a bit from their unfortunate tumble, the Orcs finally gathered up what little they had, (including a very reluctant donkey) and headed for the city ahead of them.  
  
This city, however and little did they know, happened to be the great city of Rivendell itself, and if these Orcs were smart, (which they really weren't,) they probably would not have placed their goals on a city full of Elves.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"I see Elves." Bugley pointed out miserably from their hiding place, which was just a bit of shrubbery off to the side of the road.  
  
"I don't see any bank or nothin'..." Pugley sighed heavily, looking drearily around the bustling area.  
  
"I see lots of Elves." Bugley continued with a frown.  
  
"Can we go yet?!" Slim hissed frantically, since he had been placed in charge of the horrible task of keeping the donkey quiet.  
  
"No, you idiot! We haven't even found a place to go to yet!" Boss insisted with a pointed glare, peering out of the bushes in frustration.  
  
"Uh Boss, maybe we should use the old surprise maneuver..." Pugley was about to suggest, but he was immediately cut off by a very angry Boss.  
  
"I told you NEVER TO MENTION that surprise maneuver again!!!" The leader Orc scolded him harshly.  
  
"Oh..." Pugley said, searching his memory for any such information.  
  
"Uh Boss," Bugley began helplessly.  
  
"What now?!" Boss hissed angrily.  
  
"There sure are a lot of Elves around here." The big Orc informed him.  
  
Boss just huffed. "Like I hadn't noticed!!" He insisted with a great deal of importance.  
  
"You'd think we were in a city of em'!" Slim added enthusiastically, staring at all the fair beings walking by their hiding place.  
  
"Well, if we are then it means that we've struck a GOLD MINE!!!" Boss announced greedily, looking around wildly for any other place to go to.  
  
"Well Boss, I hate to ask, but what do Elves have to do with gold mines?" Bugley asked with a blink or two.  
  
Boss' eyes were flashing very brightly. "You idiot. Elves are RICH don't you know??!"  
  
"Not really Boss. I thought we were supposed to hate Elves." Bugley further pointed.  
  
"We DO!!!" Boss shot back. "That's why we're stealing from them you IDIOT!!!"  
  
"Oh." Bugley said in simple recognition.  
  
At that moment, Slim lost all control of the donkey and the creature nearly flung the stick-thin Orc to kingdom-come while bucking around the charging right out of the bushes, leaving the dismayed Orcs behind.  
  
Boss was literally red in anger now. "You IDIOTS!!! Now we don't have any transpiration!! It's simply incongruous!!!"  
  
"Well sorry Boss, but he was jumping around like a Jack-ass in a box." Slim insisted meekly.  
  
Boss huffed at him. "Incongruous." He snorted, staring in rage as some Elves found the rather pleased donkey and petted it, one leading it carefully off to a stable while another stayed to see if the rider was anywhere nearby.  
  
The Orcs all held their breath when the Elf peered into the bushes they were in, staring out right above them, before becoming seemingly satisfied and turning back to whatever he was doing.  
  
All four Orcs let out their breath very slowly after that extremely close call, and decided from then on not to make so much noise.  
  
After a longer while than usual, something at last caught Boss' eye.  
  
There was a certain building not too far off where some nicely-dressed Elves would occasionally walk in and out of, always carrying some kind of piece of paper or a scroll or maybe some books or something.  
  
And to this Orc, that was all he needed to see.  
  
"Hey guys! I think I've found our target!" Boss announced eagerly, reaching out and grabbing Pugley by the ear and pulling him over there. "Look!" He pointed quickly to the building.  
  
"Well...it certainly looks like a nice place..." Bugley observed carefully.  
  
"But what are those Elves holding?" Slim asked quickly as he noticed the scroll and paper.  
  
Boss grinned. "Maps, probably." He said slyly. "Treasure maps."  
  
This riled the Orcs up pretty quickly, all becoming very eager and excited to go in and do a little robbing for a change.  
  
"So..." Slim asked after a while of recovering. "When do we go in and steal the treasure?"  
  
"Right now." Boss replied slyly.  
  
The rest of the Orcs frowned over at him. "What do you mean?" Bugley asked.  
  
Boss grinned at them. "Right now. We'll do a surprise attack!"  
  
"A...surprise attack?" Pugley asked nervously.  
  
"Yes, that's what I said." Boss said with a big smile. "Now we'll all just take up our weapons, dash from where we're hiding, go right into the building, take a few hostages, steal the treasure, and run out!"  
  
The rest of the Orcs blinked uncertainly.  
  
"Erm...before we get caught right?" Bugley asked softly.  
  
"Precisely." Boss said slyly. 


	2. Chapter 2

Melphie 13  
  
Disclaimer: Ok, all belongs to Tolkien except my four Orcs. Ok?  
  
AN: More of my characters will be shown in this story, so just bare with me and I would like to know what you think. Special thanks, of course, to my editor and partner, Amanalda. Maybe someone has heard of her? Well, she's the best. Thanks Ammie! (she hates it when I call her that) :0D  
  
Additional Author's Note: Listen, a few more of MY characters are going to be introduced in this chapter, and I just think that I should note that these characters are Tolkien's, but I grabbed them and switched their personalities around to suit ME!!! So if Tolkien sues me I guess I have it coming. So really, the characters belong to Tolkien, but their personalities are mine (and weird personalities they are!). So if anyone finds this idea offensive, (since some may think the characters are just plain weird and offensive) please do not read this story. You have been warned.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
And so, with that, (along with five minutes of heated debate) the Orcs finally put their rather unplanned plan into action.  
  
"On the count of three..." Boss said softly, raising his dagger softly into the air, the other Orcs also readying their small, rather dull weapons. "One...two.. .three...CHAAAAAARRRRRGGEEE!!!"  
  
At that rather unexpected cry, all the Orcs charged in like Wargs in a stampede, right past some very surprised Elves and heading straight for the building beyond, where the last Elf had disappeared inside with the scrolls.  
  
Poor Figwit never knew what hit him.  
  
"I GOT IM'!!! I GOT IM'!!!" Bugley sang happily, dancing around with his giant club in hand.  
  
"Good goin' Buggy!" Slim congratulated, cautiously approaching the other Orc to pat him on the arm, but in return got a rather unnecessarily hard slap on the back from the bigger Orc, and being so thin and all...well...  
  
He fell flat on his face.  
  
Boss had already and immediately picked up the scrolls, unrolling them with the greatest of carelessness and eagerly pouring over the contents inside.  
  
Or...he tried to at least.  
  
"Oh, SHOOT!!!" He bellowed angrily.  
  
"What?! What's wrong?!" Pugley asked right away, dropping his dagger and looking at the scroll too.  
  
"This...this THING is written in that Elvish language!!!" Boss groaned, tipping in dismay to the ground and lying in despair. "It's...it's just incongruous."  
  
"Uh...guys..." Slim said nervously, tapping Boss lightly on the shoulder.  
  
"What?!" Boss demanded in complete rage.  
  
"Erm..." The stick-thin Orc pointed up nervously to the rather angry- looking Elves that had surrounded them without them even knowing, all pointing their swords and bows at the rather dense things and glaring dangerously at them.  
  
"Errr..." Boss got a bit nervous there. Looking around wildly for something to use, a part of his memory finally came back to him.  
  
Turning quickly to Bugley, the strongest, he hissed in his harshest voice, "Bugley, the hostage!!!"  
  
Bugley had to think for a moment, then at last he remembered and grabbed the unconscious Figwit, holding him up quickly in front of himself. "Uh, don't shoot or..." He looked over quickly at Boss for help.  
  
Boss rolled his eyes and hissed quickly. "Or you'll kill him!!" He reminded harshly.  
  
"Or you'll kill him!!" Bugley quickly repeated the moment the phrase had registered in his brain.  
  
The Elves looked a bit confused at this.  
  
Boss groaned heavily. "Or WE'LL kill him stupid!!!" He ground out angrily.  
  
"Oh...we'll kill him stupid!!!" Bugley repeated immediately, getting slightly panicky at the look of the sharp...deadly...pointy...arrows that were getting closer to his rather large nose by the second.  
  
Boss groaned again and put a hand over his eyes in despair. This just wasn't working.  
Finally, one of the Elves spoke up to the four dismaying beings.  
  
"You will release him or you will die." The first one threatened, drawing the string of his bow back harder.  
  
"Ohhh, listen to the big boy!" Boss jeered, causing the three of his companions to gulp in nervousness. "Well, you make one move to do so and he dies!! Show em' Bugley!"  
  
Bugley nodded vigorously and held up Figwit like a rag doll, trying to appear fierce and killing-like, but it didn't make him look anything more or less than stupid.  
  
The Elves all glanced briefly at each other in confusion. In all of their fighting years, they had never seen any Orcs quite like this...  
  
"Uh...can you let us go or something?" Slim finally asked meekly.  
  
The reaction to that question was sensational.  
  
They all got arrested.  
  
~**~  
  
Lord Elrond of Rivendell looked over the four Orcs in a bit of hate, a bit of disgust, a bit of surprise, and a bit of confusion.  
  
A group of Elves had come from the inner city bringing the foul creatures, and asked right then for Elrond's judgment on the matter.  
  
So far though, the most exciting thing that had been going on for the last ten minutes was...well...sort of a staring match.  
  
The Orcs glared up at Elrond, and Elrond glared down at them.  
  
A very intense fight, if I might say so.  
  
Finally, at very long last, the thing that broke this rather uncomfortable silence was a loud and very unwelcome voice to Elrond's ears.  
  
"Hello Pops!!!"  
  
Elrond cringed. It was the one person who he especially did not want to see at the moment.  
  
Aragorn.  
  
The rather rambunctious Ranger came striding quite happily up to Elrond, as usual, and gave the dignified Elven Lord a hearty slap on the back. "What's new?" He asked cheerfully.  
  
Elrond scowled darkly at him. Aragorn came often to visit at Rivendell, mainly because he just wanted to spend some time with Elrond's beautiful daughter, Arwen, and partly just to...visit.  
  
But in Elrond's book, the disastrous Dunadan visited one time too many.  
  
"I'll tell you what's NEW you Rotten Ranger!" He finally snarled into Aragorn's happy face. He pointed angrily to the Orcs. "THAT'S new!!"  
  
Aragorn frowned and looked down at the glaring creatures. "Well...why don't you just kill them Pops?" He asked casually, leaning against a nearby fencepost.  
  
The Orcs' glares immediately turned to expressions of panic.  
  
Elrond groaned and shook his head. "Because!" He replied haughtily.  
  
Aragorn raised a teasing eyebrow. "Because what Pops?"  
  
Elrond rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest stubbornly. "Just because!" He answered.  
  
"Ah...so I see Pops." Aragorn said with a great big, sly smile. "Your vocabulary astounds me."  
  
Elrond was seriously about to chop that guy's head off, just as his beloved daughter herself came out of the house.  
  
"Father? Father what's the matter?" Arwen asked in her beautiful, sweet voice, walking gracefully to the older Elf's side. "Are you all right?"  
  
Elrond had to smile at her. "Of course, my dear." He answered lovingly.  
  
"OF COURSE SHNOOKUMS!!!"  
  
Elrond groaned and pressed a hand to his eyes. Not again...  
  
Sure enough, Aragorn charged madly from his place by the fence right over to the Elf maiden and nearly swept her off her feet in an adoring embrace. "What a fair chance that you should come out here into a world of such unworthiness!" The dramatized Dunadan gushed lovingly.  
  
"Yes Aragorn...of course." Arwen replied uneasily, carefully prying herself from the squeezing embrace, unsure of whether her father would choose to let Aragorn off for that sudden display of love, or whether he would strike. She loved Aragorn, of course, but she also really did not want her father and her man fighting all the time.  
  
Elrond was scowling darkly at the two of them. How could they have enough NERVE to do that in PUBLIC??! It was simply disgusting.  
  
And he completely forgot about the four Orcs who had been left tied to the fence by the tired Elves that had brought them in...and had managed to escape their bonds and flee once again.  
  
Ok, second chapter up. I bit shorter than the other one, but I didn't have much time to get this up. I was being chased by Orcs around the room with only a laptop cord to defend myself, and-*stops when hears Amanalda calling her to stop making up stuff* Ok, sorry.  
  
You have now seen more of my characters! Now, as you might have observed, Aragorn is a bit odd. In my character, Aragorn is nothing short of the biggest teaser, pest, and nuisance to Elrond ever. I'll tell you what, right below here I'll quick give you a quick briefing on all my characters that will be in this story.  
  
Orcs: (you know about them)  
  
Elrond: A very wise and noble Elf...except when Aragorn is around. He hates that disastrous Dunadan with a vengeance, (since he is constantly tormented by him) but on the other hand loves his daughter to death, and wouldn't want to make her sad because he did something awful to Aragorn, (which he really wants to do) and he is really trying to remain sane over the whole thing.  
  
Arwen: A very sweet, wonderful Elf maiden with a high, pretty voice and the sweetest personality ever. She loves Aragorn as much as he loves her, but also loves her father and therefore is usually turned to tears when they start fighting. She is a GREAT cook, she can sew, and she can sing very well. :0)  
  
Aragorn: A carefree Ranger from around somewhere, takes to wandering the wilds for his home, but often makes stops at Rivendell to pay a visit to his beloved Arwen, and also to Elrond who he "affectionately" calls "Pops", much to Elrond's dismay. He loves tormenting Elrond all the time, especially at moments when Arwen is being sweet to him. One moment he will be a wonderful, noble, kind Man to anyone, a good king and a great future- husband to Arwen...and the next minute he will be the wildest, craziest, "evilest", most insane person ever...especially when it comes to Elrond.  
  
Boromir: Aragorn's best buddy and a very nice Man to be around. He has some of the craziness that Aragorn possesses, but is much more disciplined and reasonable than that Ranger, always being kind and considerate, and also a great inventor. :0) When Aragorn and Elrond are fighting, he takes it upon himself to either drag them apart, or comfort Arwen while she's crying. (which she usually is on such matters) He's a really cool guy, and I have officially named him "The Gondorian Guy" for a nickname.  
  
Gimli: A very vain, fat, stubborn Dwarf he is. He can be very, very mean at times, and also a very good warrior. He simply delights on tormenting others, especially Elves, (particularly Legolas) and getting approval from his over-exaggerate father. Very full of himself and stubborn, the Dwarf can prove quite a match in a fist fight.  
  
Gloin: Gimli's father. Just like his son. What's more to say? He will do anything to give his son back up on what he does, waaayyy over-exaggerating as he does. He takes pride in every little nasty thing Gimli does, babying him at the slightest scratch and doing some tormentings of his own. Quite a nasty pair they are!  
  
Legolas: Prince of Mirkwood, and a good friend of most of the others in their little group. (all of my characters occasionally all gather together for a little reunion in Rivendell, at Elrond's house of course) He has a particular disliking for Gimli, as the Dwarf does for him, though who wouldn't after all Gimli's tormentings? Quiet and outspoken, noble and mischievous, there are really two sides to the Elf, and it is normally the more playful, fun side that his friends look forward to seeing in him.  
  
Gandalf: Ok, now unlike probably a lot of the other fanfics you have seen, this wizard is immensely dumb and thinks very highly of himself. I mean it! Compared to all the other wizards in Arda, this is by far the stupidest one. He gets mixed up and confused about just about everything, his worst fear is fire and often faints at the sight of his own magic...so in other words he doesn't use his own power a lot. It scares him to death, though it's pretty easy to scare that Istar to death around those parts.  
  
Well, that's about it for now! I'll get the next chapter up as soon as possible. See ya'll next time! Oh, and by the way, sorry for the half- cliffie. :0)  
  
P.S. THANKS TO MY FIRST REVIEWER!!! I felt very uplifted and encouraged when you reviewed my chapter, and I'll get the next chapter up as fast as I can. Thanks! :0D (Thanks SO MUCH Katie. I owe ya' one) 


	3. Chapter 3

By: Melphie13  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own anyone except for my little Orcsies and the characters' personalities, as I explained in the previous chapter. There's really no point in suing me because I am dead broke. *holds up empty hands* Nothin' except my laptop. :0) The rest is J.R.R. Tolkien's himself.  
  
AN: Thanks so much to my reviewers! You guys rock man! I'm going to try to do reviewer responses each time I post, but it may not be totally consistent because I don't have internet access at home just yet.  
  
GrinnerGlad: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you like it! It's really been a blast to write. Enjoy the new chapter!  
  
Cestari: Hello Twin! Yeaaahhhh!!! A review!!! I could very nearly laugh in glee! But I musn't.no.lest I bring my newly-fixed ceiling down upon my unfortunate head.then again.*glances around*.it's bound to happen sooner or later.MWAHAHAHAHAAA!!! *ceiling (complete with plaster and shingles) crashes down on head* OOWWW!!! Whoo! I KNEW I shouldn't have gotten that new plaster put in... man, those Orcs are just nutty little weirdo's aren't they? Can you believe how much our Aragorns are alike?! And to think, we never even got the ideas from each other! Ahh, you make me feel all better whenever you write to me! And I also feel very content now that I know your trusty Balrog will be protecting me from any evil flamers. After all, you know what they say! Fight fire *with* fire. :0) I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as my freaky computer-system will allow!  
  
Etheelflaed: Ooohhh!!! Thanks for the nice review! Yeah, Aragorn's a nut. So sorry that this does not appeal to you, but my sister and I found it funny in its own unique way.so, here he is! Tormenting Elrond and courting his lovely daughter. Hmmm.you and Sarcastic Wolf don't seem to get along very well. Oh well! You know what they say, best friends argue the most.or so I heard from some crazy old wizard named Saruman the White.*glances up at Orthanc with a suspicious frown* Yeah!!! I am Christian! *claps hands and does a few backflips* So glad to hear from another fellow Jesus-freak! :0) Uh oh. you don't think the sky will.actually.*gulps and glances up nervously at sky* Whoo! I'd better update asap then!  
  
Miss Aranel: Thank you so much for your reviews and advice. I can understand that my characters may throw people off, but I think for right now I'm going to keep them the way they are, because I've already written the story, and I have a lot of people in my family and a few friends that like them the way they are. I'm glad you like the orcs though. I had fun writing them. Thanks again for the reviews and the input!  
  
Katie: WHOO! Thanks for reviewing Katie! I'm glad you like the chapter!  
  
What's wrong with my head?: *chuckles* I have often wondered the same thing; and originally I did have him as having little *things* with him too; but I found out it didn't work out with some of the drama stuff I did, and my sister didn't like it, so I changed him to be the way he is. *shrugs* I might try and make him crazy for a later story, but this one is already written and I'm too lazy to change it right now. Thanks for your review and input. I really appreciate it.  
  
P.S Legolas is not the only one who does not have a mental defect. Arwen is one, and Thranduil is another. They are not *perfect*. They are just not that different from the way they are usually portrayed. Hope that makes sense!  
  
One more thing, remember that these characters are not supposed to be seen as an insult to, or *anything* like the real characters. They are *not* to be compared. (not even really in looks. Looks can totally throw you off.) They are *totally* different, and should not be viewed as the same people. I did not make them go crazy. They just are crazy. Different is another word for them. *shrugs* I know it's nearly impossible to understand, but please try. If you really can't understand what's going on and everything is throwing you off, just let me know and I'll make some adjustments if my sister will let me. *grin* Remember, *points* AU.  
  
Oh, and one minor detail. There is no Sauron. Or at least nobody is worried about him at the moment.  
  
Ok. I'll shut up now.  
  
Thanks Amanalda. Thank you for being my faithful editor and everlasting friend. *flings self into Amanalda's arms* You're my hero.  
  
Ok, enough blabber. On with the story!  
  
Chapter 3  
  
"STOP!!!" Boss finally yelled when he was sure that he and his companions were far enough away from the place where that weird Elf lord had stood.  
  
Well, things worked like dominoes after that. Boss stopped, and Pugley crashed into him, which caused Slim to crash into him, which finally caused Bugley to crash into him.  
  
In other words all of them were sooner or later lying in a heap on the ground.  
  
Boss was finally able to wiggle his head out of the enormous pile of Orcs, poking just enough of himself out to yell at the top of his lungs: "GET OFF OF MEEEE!!!"  
  
Well, needless to say the other Orcs took this quite seriously and immediately clambered off of each other, and especially off of their leader.  
  
"Boss!! BOSS!!" Slim quickly bent down and put his mouth right by a rather flat Boss' ear.  
  
"Maybe he's dead." Bugley suggested.  
  
"Oh nooo!!!" Pugley lamented.  
  
"No...I don't think he's dead..." Slim said softly, leaning down further and then shouting in his leader's ear as loud as he possibly could.  
  
"AAAARRREEE YOOUUUU AAALIIIVVEEE!!!????"  
  
The reaction was sensational.  
  
Slim was lying unconscious on the ground approximately two seconds later.  
  
"Woa. I guess he is alive!" Bugley rejoiced.  
  
"Yeah, but for how long?" Pugley pointed out, almost wisely, and then quickly dropped to his knees by the pancake-like leader. "Say Boss, are you alive?"  
  
Boss peeled himself off the ground and glared at the other Orc. "I'm not sure with all the YELLING that you've been directing at me!!!" And with that, the angered Orc promptly stuck a finger in his mouth, blew, and soon popped out to his normal round self.  
  
"Well, jinkies Boss, we sure didn't mean to...yell at you." A newly- revived Slim protested helplessly.  
  
"Yeah right." Boss groaned, tenderly pushing himself up to his feet and straightening his back with a good long crack.  
  
"Uh...so...what do we do now?" Bugley asked, looking around the area in confusion. They were pretty much on the outskirts of the city, and had absolutely no idea where to go...especially with no donkey to take them there.  
  
"We were so close..." Boss was now sharing a lament of his own. "We had the maps..................it's just INCONGRUOUS!!"  
  
"Boss, are you sure you know what that word means? 'Cause you use it all the time..." Pugley pointed out, but Boss was having none of it.  
  
"Shut up so I can think!" He snapped, going back into pondering mode.  
  
The other Orcs remained respectfully silence.  
  
Full five minutes of utter silence passed by, nothing was hearable save the cheerful chirping of a nearby bird and the quiet thunder of the nearby waterfalls.  
  
"I HAVE IT!!!"  
  
Boss' voice abruptly broke the silence just as the turn of five minutes arrived.  
  
"Ok, what is it?" Slim asked patiently.  
  
"Well, I was just thinking that...well...you know that Elf guy that we were going to keep as a hostage?" Boss asked slyly.  
  
"Yeah?" The other Orcs questioned further.  
  
"Well, I think those Elves wanted him back pretty badly, and I was thinking..." Boss let the idea hang on the air to gain the proper mood for the occasion.  
  
Unfortunately it didn't work.  
  
"What were you thinking, Boss?" Bugley asked dumbly.  
  
Boss glared. "RANSOM you idiot, RANSOM!!" He snapped.  
  
"Oh! Right! Ransom." The others quickly seemed to the get the picture... but then their faces darkened when a new fact sank it. "What's ransom?"  
  
Boss was getting very angry. "Let me carefully explain our plan to you so you can FIND OUT FOR YOURSELVES!!!" And with that, the leader Orc bent like a stick and grabbed up a twig from the ground, along with a leaf and a piece of grass. "Ok, now look here. This leaf is us. The twig is the Elf guy, and the grass is the treasure."  
  
"Ok..." The baffled Orcs nodded slowly.  
  
"And we...the leaf...will sneak into the city, grab the Elf...the twig...and bring him with us to our hideout!" Boss began.  
  
"What hideout?" Pugley asked in confusion.  
  
"Shut up. I'm getting there." Boss growled, and went back to explaining. "We'll send a note back to the Elf's friends or something, saying that they won't ever see him alive again unless they pay us with treasure...the grass... and if they give us the treasure, we release the Elf guy and be on our way! Simple!"  
  
The other Orcs blinked.  
  
"That doesn't sound very safe." Slim finally protested.  
  
Boss glared. "Why you dare to contradict m-"  
  
"He's gotta point, Boss, you're talking about kidnapping Elves here!" Pugley insisted, coming quickly to Slim's defense.  
  
"And all for a stupid piece of grass!" Bugley added as well.  
  
Boss groaned and slapped a hand over his eyes. "You are all just a bunch of idiots. EVERYTHING WE DO ISN'T VERY SAFE!!!" He finally burst out, startling his companions into taking a step back. "That's the life of an Orc!!! To do things that we may very well get killed for! To risk our lives in the line of duty! THAT'S WHAT WE AAAAARRREE!!!"  
  
"Well, if we're so Orcish about this Boss, then why were we banished?" Slim asked simply.  
  
Boss let his arms drop loosely to his sides, disbelief on his face. "You idiot. If you can't get this plan, fine, I'll leave you out of it. But if you're in on the plan......then I want you to go out, find a place somewhere around here that will serve as our hideout. Okay?" He was using all of his patience trying to explain this in simple words for his companions.  
  
"Why do we need a hideout Boss?" Bugley blew it for the last time.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUURRRRRRRRGGGHHH!!!"  
  
Well actually, sooner or later the Orcs did end up finding a hiding place. A rather risky one, but a hiding place.  
  
It was right behind one of the great waterfalls of Rivendell. You never would have known it was there, because it was cleverly hidden...  
  
But you might ask how in Arda these dense Orcs managed to find it. Well, the answer isn't that hard to explain.  
  
While searching for a hideout, Bugley and Pugley had split up from Slim and Boss and decided to go across the great river to look some more.  
  
As you might imagine, crossing the great river right by the waterfall wasn't an overly splendid idea.  
  
And so, with that, Pugley volounteered to go first...and went right over the waterfall in the end.  
  
Bugley, on the other hand, immediately went searching for Pugley over the falls, but on his way down to the bottom to search the stream below, he happened to look up at the waterfall and see Pugley's feet sticking out of the waterfall itself...and Pugley wasn't falling.  
  
And so, after a bit of pondering, Bugley went up to see why Pugley was suddenly flying, and after going behind a certain, very thick bush, he found that the other Orc had landed on a small ledge sticking out into the waterfall, though it was just about entirely hidden by the roaring water. But behind the ledge...was the nicest little cave you could ever imagine.  
  
Naturally they screamed at the top of their lungs for their friends, and if their voices had been a bit louder they would have alerted all of Rivendell that Orcs were nearby.  
  
And so now, here they were, inside their all new hideout and trying to find ways to remember where it was.  
  
"Oh, I won't have any trouble remembering!" Slim quickly said.  
  
"Me neither." Pugley said painfully, still sore and dripping wet from his unfortunate trip down the falls.  
  
"Ok, that's all fine." Boss said in complete content. "Though this location is quite incongruous, I think it will work quite well. And now...all we need to do is find some supplies, get some sleep, and then tomorrow we'll work out our plan...and strike that night."  
  
"Fine with us." A few very tired Orcs agreed, flopping right down to the cave ground and beginning to fall asleep.  
  
"Not YET you idiots!!! We have to gather supplies first!!!" Boss shouted at them, immediately waking them up from their half-sleep. "You can sleep when we're done."  
  
"Aw, but Boss, the sun's already half-way in bed!" Bugley protested sleepily.  
  
"And you can go to sleep when it's all the way in bed." Boss said simply, grabbing some sacks that they always carried wherever they went, (usually they were slung over the back of the donkey) and tossed one to each of them. "Now go find some berries or roots or something. And if you need to steal something, you better darn well be an Orc and do it!" He ordered. "Go!"  
  
The other Orcs all nodded and rushed off, while Boss stayed to imagine life with so much treasure that he was the richest Orc on earth.  
  
Ok! There's chapter three. Now you can kind of see the story fitting together here. But who will be the unlucky Elf to be "gotten" by these Orcs?! Hmmm, I wonder. It could be anyone...*puts on scary Dracula face* I vant to suck some Elviss blood...hee hee hee. Thanks again SO MUCH to my reviewers. I am forever in your debt, and I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as humanly possible! 


	4. Chapter 4

By: Melphie13  
  
AN: Well, what do you know? Two chapters in a row! I myself think that waiting 3 days for an update is a long wait, so I consider this a really long wait. *holds gun to forehead* I think it may be necessary to punish myself..no? I shouldn't? Oh, ok. *puts gun away* Fine. As long as you can forgive me then I'll be fine.  
  
Disclaimer: Everyone and everything belongs to Tolkien except my Orcs and my personalities. Again, if you find these personalities offending to the way they normally are, forgive me and you don't have to read any more if you don't want to. :0)  
  
Additional Author's Note: Another thing about the characters. I set this whole story up in a way that it seems like they all knew each other even before the Fellowship formed. I know that is AU, but it's just kind of fun to have them all buddies and hanging out together all the time. Again, you have been warned. Also you might note in the story that Arwen does a lot of the household chores. Well, for other reasons that you might find out, she is sort of the housekeeper around there. Don't ask me where I got that, 'cause I'm not sure I'd have an answer.  
  
Ok, on with the next chapter!  
  
P.S. ~**~ means that we are switching scenes here and going to another situation in the story. *** means that we are still with the same group of people, but at a different time or a different place or something. :0)  
  
Chapter 4  
  
"Wake up you lazy Orcs!!!" Boss shouted at the top of his lungs in the little cave, very angry at the fact that all of them had slept in until noon. "Get up NOW!!"  
  
"Aw, five more minutes?" Pugley begged, pulling his "pillow" (which was made from the sack he had been given the evening before) over his head and muffling out all other sounds of protest that came from his mouth.  
  
Boss glared. "This is not a DAY OFF you guys, GEETT UPPP!!!" And with that, the small Orc gave them each a good hard kick, causing yelps of pain and surprise to come from all of them. "Now unless you want me to be doing that until you're black and blue, you'll get your lazy selves out of bed and get ready for our plan tonight!"  
  
"Awww...I don't wanna go kidnapping Elves..." Bugley groaned.  
  
"Well, you want treasure don't you?" Boss taunted.  
  
Bugley immediately brightened at this. "Yeah!"  
  
"THEN GET OUT OF BED!!!"  
  
~**~  
  
"GET OUT OF BED!!!" Elrond screamed at the top of his lungs to the closed door in front of him, pounding on the innocent piece of furniture until it almost broke down. "ARAGORN!!!"  
  
He just knew that Ranger was deliberately ignoring him. Why ever had he agreed to let that darned Dunadan stay at his house?!  
  
"Aragorn, it is TWELVE O'CLOCK NOON!!" He shouted at the door. "And unless you want to miss lunch as much as you missed breakfast you will COME OUT OF THERE THIS INSTANT!!!"  
  
Still no reply came from inside the room.  
  
Elrond was seriously about to grab the nearest weapon and break the door itself down, but just then, Arwen herself came up the stairs to see what all the noise was about.  
  
"What is going on Father?" She asked worriedly.  
  
Elrond was completely red in the face and looking like he was about to explode. "Aragorn WILL NOT come out of there!!!" He shouted unnecessarily loud for the normal ways of hearing. "He is IGNORING me, AND I WILL NOT TOLERATE BEING IGNORED!!!"  
  
"Yes Father, I can see that." Arwen said patiently. "But do think perhaps he might have gone outside for a while? You know, through the window or something?"  
  
"Oh no, I made sure that there were NO windows in his room." Elrond said darkly, turning a raged face on the closed door again.  
  
"Mmm. I see." Arwen nodded briefly, and then quietly walked up to the door, knocking softly on it. "Aragorn, honey, time to get up sweetie! Lunch is ready!" She called calmly.  
  
It took about one second after that knock for the door to open right up, a very smiley Aragorn standing in the doorway. "Good morning, shnookums!" He said cheerfully.  
  
Elrond could feel himself about to go overboard in his rage.  
  
Arwen smiled patiently at the happy Ranger. "Good morning Aragorn. I made some salad for lunch, and I thought you might like something to eat." The Elf maiden explained sweetly.  
  
"Well, don't mind if I do, my love!" The dandy Dunadan replied happily, taking her hand and cheerfully heading downstairs with Arwen right beside him.  
  
Elrond scowled darkly and grouchily headed after them.  
  
Once in the dining room, the Elven Lord found that Arwen and Aragorn were already seated, along with Gandalf and the two frequently visiting Dwarves, Gimli and Gloin. (Valar knew why those Dwarves showed up all the time)  
  
At last regaining his senses a bit, Elrond put on a dignified face and nodded to the small, staring group. "Ahem, hello everyone." He said simply, sitting down right at his spot, at the head of the table and nodded for Arwen to start serving out the salad.  
  
Arwen nodded without hesitation, standing up and dishing out a good portion of fresh green salad for everyone.  
  
Aragorn watched this for a few seconds, but then found his gaze wandering over once again to the empty seat at his left. "Pops?" He asked, more quietly and less enthusiastic than usual.  
  
Elrond glared at him. "What?!" He snapped.  
  
Despite the rather harsh reply, Aragorn simply looked over sadly at the Elven Lord. "When's B gonna get here?" He asked mournfully.  
  
Elrond rolled his eyes and stuck his fork into a big leaf of lettuce. "Whenever he gets here." He grumbled.  
  
Aragorn frowned. "He sure is taking a long time." Suddenly, a very suspicious glare came to the Ranger's face. "You did send for him, right Pops?" He asked, almost threateningly.  
  
Elrond rolled his eyes again. "Of course I sent for him!!! If I invited you, then I certainly invited Boromir."  
  
Aragorn put on a very annoying, innocent expression. "But you didn't invite me Pops." He pointed out simply.  
  
Arwen quickly cleared her throat and gave Aragorn a disapproving look.  
  
"Don't remind me." Elrond replied miserably.  
  
"Uh, duh, I think that Boromir's all late and stuff!" Gandalf pointed out stupidly.  
  
"He's always late!" Gimli added snobbily.  
  
"Now, now." Arwen cautioned gently. "Boromir has a lot of things to do over in Gondor. He was probably just delayed by some important duties."  
  
The Dwarves snorted, and Gandalf just stared blankly as if he hadn't understood a single word she said. (which was probably true anyway)  
  
~**~  
  
"Uh, Boss, which Elf are we getting exactly?" Pugley finally asked in confusion, looking up from the cave floor where he had been really trying to figure out their plans for that night.  
  
"Yeah, do we have like distinct plans or something?" Slim added.  
  
"Of COURSE we do! Can you think of what would happen if we DIDN'T?!" Boss shot back. "It would be simply incongruous."  
  
"Ok, then who are we grabbing?" Bugley asked.  
  
At this, Boss suddenly looked as if he had been asked to answer a math problem like this: (100,599 x 555,222 + 679, 000 / 567=?) In three seconds, mentally.  
  
The rest of the Orcs stared at him expectantly.  
  
Approximately five minutes later, after a rather long period of silence, Boss seemed to come to a conclusion. "I don't know yet."  
  
Slim, Bugley and Pugley glanced at each other in confusion.  
  
"Do you think he'll really think of something that way?" Slim asked in awe as they eyed their leader hanging upside down from a tree and looking as if he was trying to think while upside-down.  
  
"I dunno. You never can tell with him." Pugley sighed, resting both his dirty arms down on the log they were hiding behind. Boss had told the other Orcs strictly not to bother him while he was "thinking".  
  
"Well...when's he gonna move?" Bugley asked impatiently.  
  
"He is moving. Or the wind's moving him at least." Slim told the other Orc wisely; watching slowly as Boss gradually swayed the tiniest bit in the rushing wind of the high hills near the waterfalls.  
  
"You know, I really don't think that that is going to work." Pugley sighed, shaking his head mournfully.  
  
At that very moment, Boss' triumphant shout rang out long and clear.  
  
"I HAVE IT!!!"  
  
Unfortunately, not only did this idea hit him, but the rope that he had tied himself to the branch with also broke, sending the smallest Orc sailing right down headfirst onto the ground below.  
  
There was silence after that, and all the other Orcs just blinked at their fallen leader and tried to decide what to do next.  
  
***  
  
"...Boss...?"  
  
"...dead...?"  
  
"...aybe he's..."  
  
"...no..."  
  
"..ut up!"  
  
"...ould be th..."  
  
"...alive...?  
  
That's pretty much all Boss could make out from his state of unconsciousness, but it was enough to bring him back to consciousness.  
  
Needless to say Boss was very terrified from having been unconscious, but aside from that and a severe headache, he felt fine.  
  
At least, he felt fine until the annoying voices around him started to make his headache worse.  
  
"QUIET!!!" He shouted as loud as he could without causing himself too much pain, and also causing his companions to jump a good two feet back from shock.  
  
After recovering a bit though, Slim and Bugley and Pugley all rushed over to Boss once again, quickly saying their wildly-delivered apologies and frantically helping their leader to his feet.  
  
"Oh, GET OFF OF ME!!!" Boss bellowed, shoving the hands that held him right off and straightening his always-wrinkled shirt out. "I should think a good Orc would know better than to come up to a wounded one and just shout at it!"  
  
"But we didn't Boss!" Bugley protested quickly. "We were just helpin' you!"  
  
"Well, I don't NEED help!!" The commonly yelling Orc snapped, glaring at each of his wide-eyed companions in turn.  
  
The other Orcs all blinked in a confusion and surprise.  
  
Boss scowled and turned away...and then noticed something.  
  
The sun was setting.  
  
"AAUUGGGHHH!!!" The horrified Orc yelped, turning around abruptly once again to face his even-more-startled companions. "The sun's almost set!!! WE'VE GOTTA GET READY!!!"  
  
Slim, Bugley and Pugley still did not look in the least bit hurried. "Boss, don't we have to wait until like, really late at night when all the Elves are asleep?" Slim asked.  
  
"Yeah!?!" Boss glared daggers at the other Orc.  
  
"Then why are we hurrying so much? It's not even sunset yet." Bugley protested simply.  
  
Boss scowled. "You all had better learn to stop contradicting me." He threatened.  
  
The other Orcs looked a bit uncomfortable, but nothing more.  
  
"Oh, you idiots, MOVE!!!" Boss commanded in his most powerful voice, pointing firmly to the cave. "Get all the gear together! We've got some Elf- hunting to do!"  
  
"But Boss..." Pugley protested once more.  
  
"What?" Boss mimicked angrily.  
  
"Uh, don't those Elves sleep with their eyes open?" The slightly intimidated creature asked.  
  
"Yeah?" Boss replied cautiously.  
  
"Well then, won't the Elf see us if we try to get it?" Pugley asked scaredly.  
  
"You idiot, OF COURSE WE WON'T!!" Boss yelled, (as he normally did) knocking on Pugley's head with a hard, black fist. "Hello?! Anyone HOME IN THERE?!? Elves sleep with their eyes open, but that doesn't mean they can see while they're asleep! Got it?!"  
  
"Er, yeah I think so." Pugley said slowly.  
  
"Besides, their eyes are only half open. Kinda' depends on how tired they are." Boss continued importantly, hoping to gain more respect by demonstrating his "large storage of knowledge".  
  
"Whatever you say, Boss." Pugley sighed, moving off to go help Bugley and Slim get ready.  
  
Boss scowled. He hated Elves with a vengeance, as most Orcs did. He thought they were weird, ugly, and snobby. Nothing more, nothing less.  
  
And that's why he didn't really mind holding one up for ransom.  
  
All they needed to do now was get ready to go, and then strike at midnight that night!  
  
Ok, I'm not torturing you too badly with cliffies right? I mean, these are kind of cliffies, but not all the way. You won't be rocking in your seat and whining, but you might be biting your nails a little bit or something. I try, I try.  
  
Also, you might have picked up on a few more of my characters, mainly Gandalf and the Dwarves. All right, another thing about Gandalf, he says "uh duh" a lot before he says stuff, and speaking of "stuff", he's really dumb, so most of the stuff he says ends in "and stuff". Er, you following me here? Read this paragraph over again if you don't and try to make sense of it. *shifts weight uncomfortably* All these explanations are driving me nuts. So, thanks again readers and I'll get the next chapter up at the next opportunity! 


	5. Chapter 5

By: Melphie13  
  
Disclaimer: Tolkien owns all of em' except their personalities in this case and also the Orcs. Those are mine, and they always have been, they always will be. (Ever hear that song by Avalon called "Always have, always will"?) If you find the idea of personality-switching offensive and weird, you probably don't want to read the rest. You have been warned.  
  
AN: Hi! This is Amanalda, my sister is out of town at the moment and is not able to right reviewer responses. (which she is devastated about) But she promises to make up for it, and here are another 2 chapters! (Oh, and all of the stuff at the bottom now are the stuff she has already written. Enjoy!)  
  
Thank you Amanalda. You are my true-blue heroin. *hugs her* Also, there is another dedication and thank-you to be made. Thank you extremely much to my little sisters, Alisa and Tiffany, who I originally told this story to one night while we were sitting in their room, eating fireballs and talking about dumb Orcs.  
  
Additional Author's Note: Here's where things are going to begin "going south" (one of my favorite expressions) for some of our characters, particularly a certain Elven Lord that likes to sleep with his windows open. So, get ready!  
  
Sheesh these pro-information thingies are getting long! There's just so much stuff I have to cover on my first story. *lip quivers* I'm deader than a doornail.  
  
Ok, enough blabber! Grab yourself a donut and a cappuccino and get ready for another chapter.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
The bright, full moon was high in the sky when midnight came along, and also as the four Orcs crept from their hiding place behind the waterfall, Bugley carrying the biggest sack they had, and headed for the quiet, peaceful city of Rivendell.  
  
"AUGH! What was that?!" Boss hissed in near panic when the sound of a twig snapping reached his ears.  
  
"Sorry Boss. I'll be more careful." Bugley promised quickly.  
  
Boss scowled and kept creeping quietly along the path, (as quietly as Orcly possible...) keeping his eyes dutifully fixed on the lightless city before them. "This had better work..." He grumbled.  
  
It took the Orcs a while to get into the city, but they did end up getting in, even if it meant disguising themselves as bushes and sneaking into the beautiful place.  
  
Once past the idly chatting guards, Boss threw the bush off of himself and hissed for the others to do the same, and then all four Orcs looked around the deserted streets of the city.  
  
"Boy. Everyone sure goes to bed early around here!" Slim pointed out in awe.  
  
"You idiot, it's MIDNIGHT around here!!" Boss hissed angrily.  
  
After that rather too-loud outburst, the leader of the group abruptly realized his mistake when the house behind them suddenly flicked on its lights, and a sleepy but alarmed dark-haired peered out of a window, looking for the makers of the noise. "Who's there?" He demanded in a sleep- hoarsened voice.  
  
The Orcs panicked at that moment, all wildly diving under their bushes again and situating themselves carefully along the edges of the house.  
  
The Elf frowned at the noise of shuffling and...panicked whispers was it?  
  
Thoroughly suspicious, the fair being looked quickly towards the bunch of quivering bushes by his house, noticing that they were shaking, but after a cool breeze swept by his face, he concluded that it must be the wind.  
  
Yawning as sleepiness came over him again, the Elf soon turned to go back to bed, switching off the lanterns and walking wearily into the house.  
  
Well, it took about seven minutes after the Elf had gone for Boss to muster up the courage to peek out of his bush again.  
  
Luckily for those unfortunate creatures, there was no one there.  
  
Boss turned quickly back to his companions, hissing very quietly to them that they should move on, though it took an additional five minutes to get his petrified Orc-mates to even move an inch from their bushes.  
  
"We're going to have to be very quiet from now on." Boss whispered lowly after finally getting his companions out of their bushes.  
  
"B-but I-I th-though we w-were al-already b-being quiet!" Pugley whispered shakily.  
  
"Yes, but Elves have extra good hearing, and so we need to be double quiet. Got it?" Boss hissed quickly.  
  
The other, shaken Orcs barely nodded.  
  
"Ok then, let's go!" Boss said eagerly, sneaking around the house of the now-sleeping Elf and heading right for the grandest house in the city.  
  
The House of Elrond.  
  
Once outside the great house, the Orcs all kind of just stood there and stared up at it.  
  
They knew no one inside was awake. None of the lights were on, and when they peered through the parlor window, there wasn't even a fire burning in the fireplace. Just some glowing coals sitting in the ashes and slowly fading as time went on.  
  
"All right then! I guess that means that it's time to put our plan into action!" Boss announced, whispering excitedly to the others. "Bugley, get the sack!"  
  
Bugley nodded and grabbed the sack from his own shoulder, showing it to the rest of the Orcs. "Uh, what do I do with it?" He asked timidly.  
  
"Uh, um, I think we have to find out where the Elf is." Boss explained quickly.  
  
"Ya know Boss, you never did tell us who the Elf is." Pugley pointed out.  
  
"Oh yes, I had forgotten." Boss admitted, scratching his smaller head. "I was thinking that we'd just get even with that mean old Elf lord that stared at us for so long that day."  
  
"Y-you mean that important guy?!" Slim shrieked in horror.  
  
"SHHHH!!!" Boss hissed immediately. "Do you want to give away our position? Keep your voice down!"  
  
Slim quickly clamped a hand over his own mouth. "Sorry." He mumbled in a very muffled voice.  
  
"Ok, so which bedroom is this guy in?" Pugley asked.  
  
"Errr..." Boss looked slightly nervous on that one as he gazed up at the enormous house. "I...I think we should probably start from the first one and work our way down. I believe in these stupid Elvish houses they have all the bedrooms upstairs. So..." He pointed meaningfully up at the first window above them.  
  
"Oh, ok." Bugley said simply. "But how do we get up there?"  
  
"Hmmm...incongruous." Boss muttered as he gazed at the big distance between him and the window. "I think we're gonna need a ladder or something."  
  
"We could throw a rock at the window and make the guy think he's under attack and grab him when he comes to the window!" Pugley suggested eagerly.  
  
"You idiot, it's too high up! He'd be sure to see us." Boss contradicted stubbornly.  
  
"Then what are going to do?" Bugley was getting scared. He didn't like being in a city with Elves in the middle of the night.  
  
"I know!" Slim said quickly. "You could all take me by the arms and legs and streeeeeetch me, until I'm really tall and I can just reach into the window!"  
  
"Actually Slim, with how fragile you are, I think we'd just stretch you clean out." Pugley admitted mournfully.  
  
Slim snorted, but didn't deny it.  
  
Bugley yawned. "I wanna go to bed." He said tiredly.  
  
"No! We can't give up now!" Boss hissed desperately. "We can get up there!"  
  
"How?" All three of the other Orcs said at once.  
  
"Um..." Boss was stuck again. "Well...uh...I suppose we could...um..."  
  
"Pile ourselves up like a bunch of building blocks?" Pugley asked sarcastically.  
  
To his surprise and horror, Slim and Bugley looked thoughtful, and Boss smiled slyly, as he usually did when an idea popped into his head.  
  
Pugley was horrified.  
  
He had said too much.  
  
***  
  
"Hurry up you guys!" Bugley called up softly in a squashed voice, because, being the strongest, he was the one who had to support all the weight on the bottom of the Orcish ladder that the four Orcs had created.  
  
"Don't worry Bugley, we're almost there." Slim tried to assure the other Orc, though he himself wasn't feeling too good about the matter. He was standing on Bugley's shoulders, his tiny, stick-like arms quivering like a noodle since he had to also support a lot of weight.  
  
"Come on Boss!" Pugley called from up on top of Slim's shoulders, offering a hand to the smallest Orc who was struggling to climb up on both Bugley's, Slim's, and Pugley's shoulders. "We don't have much time!"  
  
"Oh, thank you for that completely unknown information Pugley!" Boss snarled, but accepting the hand up all the same.  
  
At long last, Boss climbed on top of Pugley's shoulders, trying to peer into the nearby window. "Just a little to the right Bugley!" He called down softly.  
  
Bugley groaned and did his best to move to the right with his great burden, but it wasn't very easy or working since that only made the top of the stack of Orcs tilt to the left, and so Bugley had to hurry up and move to the left again in order to keep the others from falling clean off of his shoulders.  
  
This actually went on for quite some time, and Bugley was just about deciding that they would never be even in either the righty or lefty direction.  
  
"Woooaa!" Boss yelped as quietly as he could, clutching onto Pugley's head for dear life. "Bugley stop that! Stop that!!" He hissed in near panic. If they fell...they would be sure to wake up just about everybody in Rivendell and let them know that they were there.  
  
"I...can't..." Bugley was having simply no luck in the matter.  
  
"Just...just lean us up against the house then!" Boss managed to hiss between grabbing on tighter to a grimacing Pugley's head.  
  
Bugley thought for a moment while leaning to the left, and then finally nodded to himself when he thought he understood what Boss had just told him to do. And so, with that, the huge Orc gave it all he had, and tipped way towards the right.  
  
Unfortunately, he either tipped too hard or too fast, and Slim, Pugley, and Boss barely had time to yelp in horror before they were squashed like perfect pancakes up against the house.  
  
When Bugley heard the sounds from the Orcs he had on his shoulders stop, he got rather alarmed. "Uh, did I kill anyone up there?" He called softly, dreading the answer.  
  
It took about a minute of recovery before Boss was able to peel his small self from the wall and glare down at the biggest Orc. "Bugley, when I say, lean us up against the house, I do not mean throw us up against the house. Got it?" He was really seething in anger, but he forced himself to sound halfway calm.  
  
"Ok." Bugley replied softly.  
  
"Good." Boss said, smiling as Pugley and Slim finally unstuck themselves too.  
  
"Ohhhh...I ache, I throb..." Slim groaned, clutching his pounding head.  
  
"Me too..." Pugley moaned.  
  
"Whatever. Look! I can see into the window!" Boss said eagerly, poking his small head through the opening.  
  
The Orc swept his eyes quickly around the beautiful room, around the beautiful dresser by the bed, by the mirror on the wall, by the wardrobe and the armory chest...and finally onto the bed where a still, dark-haired figure lay with his back to the window.  
  
Boss put on a particularly evil Orc smile. "Bulls-eye." He murmured gleefully.  
  
After a few more seconds of Orcish evilness for good measure, Boss peered down at Pugley. "We have to act now. Bugley, hand up the sack!"  
  
Well, Bugley had three other Orcs on his shoulders, so picking up a sack from the ground would be no small task.  
  
Finally deciding that he couldn't just sit there, Bugley just kind of slid his hands under Slim's boots...and threw all three Orcs up in the air, using his rather unusual strength.  
  
And, while his friends were still coming down from their little rocket up a few feet into the sky, he bent down casually, picked up the sack, and then casually allowed his companions to land in perfect order back on his shoulders.  
  
"Here it is Boss!" The biggest Orc called up softly and cheerfully to his rather shaken leader, handing Slim the sack so that the thin Orc could pass it on.  
  
"Thank you Bugley, but next time do it without the tossing. Ok?" Boss ground out at the Orc on the bottom, grabbing the sack from Pugley and motioning for the other Orc to follow him inside the window.  
  
Pugley nodded and climbed in after Boss, (having to jump aways but otherwise it was easy) jumping to the softly carpeted ground below once inside.  
  
Boss was grinning evilly again. "At last! Our moment approaches..." He whispered eagerly, wringing his hands in anxiousness.  
  
Pugley blinked. "Er, how are we going to get him back to the hideout Boss?" He asked timidly.  
  
Boss shook his head and growled at him. "You idiot. How many times do I have to explain this?!"  
  
Pugley shrugged.  
  
Boss rolled his eyes and held out the sack to the Orc. "We're going to approach him from behind, then you get him in the sack, and I'll tie it shut! Got it?"  
  
"And then what Boss?" Pugley asked worriedly.  
  
"Then we hand him out the window to Slim, who will hand him down to Bugley, and we'll drag him out of the city!" The leader of the Orcs explained simply.  
  
"And how are we gonna do that without beein' seen Boss?" Pugley asked suspiciously.  
  
Boss grinned. "I guess we'll have to climb over the wall."  
  
Pugley's eyes widened.  
  
"Ok now, tiptoe up to him...and just fling the sack right over his head. Got it?" Boss instructed carefully.  
  
Pugley nodded shakily, and trembling like a leaf, he silently approached the sleeping figure before him.  
  
Ok! That might actually be a real cliffie. Sorry, but I had to try. Plus I've got a tight schedule here. Still gotta' fit school in along with all of this. Sorry to keep ya'll waitin'!  
  
*falls to knees* PLEEEAAASEEE review!!! I really like to know what you think. It keeps me up and goin' around here. So just drag your mouse over to the little button down there and REVIEW!!! *begs pitifully* 


	6. Chapter 6

By: Melphie13  
  
Disclaimer: Just like all the others. Tolkien has everything in his pocket except the Orcs and the personalities of the characters. If he wants those guys, he'll have to sew our pockets together.  
  
*kneels down beside bed at night* Dear God, thank you for the nice sunset that is going on this evening, and thank you especially for all of the wonderful reviewers and friends that you've given me lately through my story. I really couldn't do it without them. Thank you for them, Amanalda, and Alisa and Tiffany. They're a real blessing, Lord, and I ask you to bless them and give them all good days tomorrow. Amen.  
  
K, just though you'd all like to get a look at what I prayed for last night during my bedtime prayers. Thank you all so much for your reviews and your support.  
  
Ok! Time for the next chapter. This time, since it's really hot today, (or at least where I come from) grab a popsicle and a smoothie or something, and pull down the brim of your hat and get ready for what's coming up next in chapter 6.  
  
Chapter 6  
  
By the time the Orcs had managed to get back to their hideout, it was almost sunrise. They had had a horrible time getting both Slim and their captive all the way away from the city and towards the waterfall that hid their hideout.  
  
At last though, the waterfall was in sight, and Boss turned quickly to the others before they went inside. "Ok everyone! We're here at last. And this is what we're going to do."  
  
"Ok..." The incredibly tired, sleep-deprived Orcs replied wearily, struggling to keep their eyes open.  
  
"First, we're going to get the Elf inside, and then we're going to let him carefully out of the sack...and then tie him to that stalagmite we saw. Got it?" Boss continued importantly.  
  
"Uh yeah...right..." Pugley mumbled, swaying even as he stood.  
  
"Ok then! Get to work!" Boss ordered, pointing to the hideout in emphisism.  
  
Bugley and Pugley glanced at each other briefly before heading after Boss into the hideout, taking the still-unconscious Slim and the Elf with them.  
  
The moment that the Elf was let out of the sack, he threw a fit like the Orcs had never seen before.  
  
Screaming and yelling and thrashing around like an Elf possessed, the fair being began giving the Orcs the hardest time of their lives.  
  
"Hold him! Hold him down Bugley!" Pugley grunted in horror as he himself struggled to pin down the Elf's arms, earning himself a few terribly painful pinches on the leg.  
  
"I'm trying!" Bugley declared in dismay, finally deciding to simply press all of his weight onto the Elf's legs to keep him from moving there too.  
  
The Elf was not enjoying this at all, and proceeded in trying with all of his might to get free from the Orcs' horrible clutches.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Boss was sitting dully against the wall of the cave, keeping his eyes idly fixed on the tiring Elf's face, while Slim was just barely beginning to regain consciousness, and Bugley and Pugley were still holding the Elf down.  
  
The Elf, however, really did not need to be held down, because he was very tired. All that flailing and escape-attempting had made him very weary. "I should not have exerted myself so much." He told himself with a scowl, finally ceasing even to tap his fingers and laying his head down carefully on the cold, dirty floor of the cave.  
  
He could not believe this was happening. Not to him. Not to Lord Elrond of Rivendell.  
  
This had to be a nightmare.  
  
Yes, that was it! This was all just a nightmare that he would wake up from sooner or later.  
  
Comforted with this thought, Elrond finally relaxed and gave in to whatever dream he was having.  
  
Unfortunately, this little nightmare-theory was very short-lived, particularly because Boss soon walked right up to him, plopping himself down on the ground by his head, and gave him a nice big...painful...slap across the face.  
  
"Take that you mean Elf!" Boss was really trying for Orcish evilness right there. "That's for giving us so much trouble!"  
  
Elrond frowned and glanced up briefly at the Orc's face. "It's you." Was all he said, hoping to sound completely impassive.  
  
Boss' dark eyebrows shot up. "You remember us?!"  
  
"How could I forget?" Elrond replied simply. "And I thought I smelled Orcs, including the fact that no other Orc in his right mind would think of sneaking into Rivendell in the middle of the night with only three other companions and try to kidnap me in the middle of my own city."  
  
Boss blinked. "Well...you have a point I suppose...but it doesn't matter now." He said with another evil grin. "All that matters is that no one is going to find us back here...and nobody's gonna be getting you back until they pay up the ransom that we ordered."  
  
Elrond's eyes widen. "Ransom?!" He felt new strength, mainly from panic, flare up inside of him. "You put me up for ransom?!"  
  
"Oh yes. Wonderful idea isn't it?" Boss answered proudly, smiling down smugly at the trapped Elf. "And we put a nice-sized death threat in there too!"  
  
"Oh, so you plan to kill me." Elrond concluded, hoping not to sound nervous.  
  
"Eventually, yes. But only if they don't give us the money." Boss explained with an evil look still on his face. "They give us the money, you go free. If not, well..." He reached over to the corner of the cave and held up his small, blunt dagger. "You'll be Warg-food."  
  
"Oh great. I'm done for." Elrond groaned inwardly, despairing at this little awful moment of his life. He was being held by the most stupid, daring, weird Orcs he had ever seen, and held for ransom no less.  
  
Things were not bound to work out very well.  
  
~**~  
  
Aragorn happily trotted down the stairs that went down from the upper level, cheerfully making his way to the kitchen and checking out what was for breakfast.  
  
Passing the dining room, the deciding Dunadan guessed that it must have been quite near breakfast time, because the table was completely and neatly set, and warm, delicious smells from the kitchen were wafting through the whole house.  
  
Taking a great big sniff of the wonderful scent, Aragorn let his stomach lead him all the way into the kitchen, where he immediately found Arwen busily mixing up some pancakes for breakfast.  
  
"Oh, shnookums!" He called softly, lightly knocking on the open door to the kitchen.  
  
Arwen smiled and turned from mixing a bowl of batter with a long wooden spoon, very happy, as usual, to see Aragorn up and about. "Good morning Aragorn." She said sweetly.  
  
Aragorn grinned and rushed to her side, quickly and dutifully surveying each and every bit of breakfast that the Elf maiden was preparing. "Yes, the sausages look done..." He said, talking like some ancient Elven Lord and making Arwen laugh. "And...hmmm..." He stuck his finger quickly in a bowl of brown syrup before Arwen could stop him and took a taste. "..Oh yes, the maple syrup is acceptable..."  
  
"Thank you very much for your essential survey of my cooking, Aragorn." Arwen said sweetly, kissing her man lightly on the cheek and turning to pour the batter for the next batch of pancakes on the griddle.  
  
"Well, you're welcome, sweet tarts!" Aragorn replied quite happily, secretly backing up to the table where the muffins were and snatching one of the goodies from the plate. With this accomplished, he hurriedly stuffed the whole muffin (luckily they were small muffins) in his mouth and then returned to his normal position, not leaving the faintest hint that he had done anything out of the ordinary.  
  
Unfortunately, he had a very observant wife-to-be.  
  
"Don't think I didn't see that, Aragorn." Arwen said in a motherish "naughty naughty" tone of voice.  
  
Aragorn rolled his eyes, but smiled all the same. He couldn't grin, like he normally did, because otherwise he would thoroughly expose the stolen muffin in his mouth.  
  
Arwen smiled affectionately at the Man. "You're getting better, sweetie." She assured him.  
  
"Fank 'ou mi wuv!" Aragorn tried to reply, but hurried in putting a hand over his mouth when he did.  
  
Arwen gave him a playfully warning smile, and then turned back to her duties. "Have you seen Father yet this morning?" She asked curiously.  
  
Aragorn quickly went to work swallowing the muffin, almost choking himself, but managing to down the whole thing. "No." He answered innocently, but then his face turned very sly and an evil smile came to his face. "Not yet anyway."  
  
Arwen gave him a Look*.  
  
Aragorn quickly turned his expression back to immediate innocence.  
  
Arwen sighed and shook her head. "That's funny. He's usually one of the first ones up around here..."  
  
"Aw, don't worry shnookums. He probably just went for a walk or something." Aragorn assured her cheerfully.  
  
"I suppose you're right." Arwen sighed again, turning the pancakes on the griddle over onto their uncooked sides.  
  
Aragorn nodded happily...and then suddenly stopped when the sound of hoof beats came from just outside the house. That was funny, Elrond wasn't expecting anymore visitors...  
  
The Man quickly moved over to the window that was near the cupboard in the kitchen, peering outside and searching the grounds until his eyes finally came to rest on the lone rider that had come in on a brown horse, obviously a human from the way he walked and tended to his horse...  
  
Then, the answer came soaring right from where the new guy stood, and into Aragorn's mind.  
  
With a wild whoop of joy, the rejoicing Ranger gave an impossible-to- understand excuse to Arwen and then took off like a shot to go meet the rider.  
  
Arwen frowned in confusion, and took a turn peering out the window.  
  
A delighted smile came to her face when she also realized who it was.  
  
Aragorn burst outside, heading straight for the newcomer who was still tying up his horse in the stables. "B!!!" He called at the top of his lungs, charging for the other Man. "YOU ARE SO LATE!!"  
  
Well, the new guy turned right around with a very happy smile on his face, standing expectantly in once place as Aragorn came rocketing up to him.  
  
It took about two seconds for both Men to be engaged in joyful hugs and hearty slaps on the back and wildly exchanged conversations.  
  
The other Man, who you might have guessed, was Boromir, Aragorn's long- lost pal.  
  
"Aw man B, you've arrived just in time!" Aragorn said excitedly. "I have this really cool new prank that needs you real bad!!"  
  
"Ok, ok, just hold your horses for a second Aragorn!" Boromir said, though he was smiling almost as wide as the Ranger was. "I just got here, and I really hope I'm in time for breakfast."  
  
"Indeed you are."  
  
Arwen's voice soon broke into the conversation as he calmly walked up to the two buddies, smiling widely at them. "Just in time infact. I was just about to go wake up Gandalf and the Dwarves."  
  
"And Pops!" Aragorn added eagerly. "He obviously never heard the phrase: "early bird gets the germs"!"  
  
Boromir frowned at looked at Arwen in confusion.  
  
Arwen sighed and shook her head. "That's, 'early bird gets the worm', Aragorn." She corrected patiently.  
  
"Exactly!" The dandy Dunadan agreed whole-heartedly.  
  
Arwen rolled her eyes, but smiled all the same. "I guess we're all here then!" She finally concluded, smiling at the Men. "We were afraid you weren't coming Boromir. The group just isn't the same without you."  
  
"Oh, why thank you for saying so, ma'am." Boromir said humbly, as he always was around Arwen.  
  
Suddenly, a distinct smell came to their senses.  
  
"Oh my! I must go tend to those pancakes!" Arwen said quickly, hastily excusing herself from the Men and darting back into the kitchen.  
  
Boromir's eyebrows went up gradually, and he looked over in surprise at Aragorn. "She's certainly a busy bee today!" He said in wonder.  
  
"That she is." Aragorn replied proudly. "It's a lot of work cooking for seven people, but she always manages." That distinct, dreamy look was coming over his face again.  
  
Boromir grinned and teasingly waved a hand in front of the dreamy Dunadan's face. "Hello in there!" He called happily.  
  
Aragorn quickly snapped out of it, regaining his composure and glaring as Boromir laughed quietly at his loving actions.  
  
"So!-" Boromir began, when suddenly, more hoof beats caught their attention.  
  
Aragorn frowned. "You'd think Pops had invited the whole army!" The reporting Ranger announced.  
  
Boromir nodded and turned to watch who was coming in.  
  
It took about five seconds for the Men to immediately recognize the white horse with the silver bridle, and the golden-haired figure on top of it, dressed in the common greens and browns of Mirkwood.  
  
"But...but..." Boromir started in shock. No one had expected...  
  
Aragorn's mouth dropped open in complete surprise, matching Boromir's to the T.  
  
The Elf on top of the horse just smiled brightly at them, leaping gracefully down from the horse and just staring at the two dumb-founded Men. "Surprise." He said simply and very cheerfully.  
  
Two seconds later, Aragorn and Boromir were literally shouting in happiness and dashing at the golden-haired figure with all of the speed of their joy behind them.  
  
The Elf just smiled and helped in the process by running forward as well and meeting the two of his friends right in the middle, allowing himself non-hesitantly to be literally crushed between the two Men in ecstatic embraces, just looking between the two delighted faces in happiness of his own.  
  
"Legolas, we didn't think you'd be coming!" Boromir exclaimed.  
  
"Pops said that he never sent for you!" Aragorn added eagerly.  
  
"I know!" Legolas replied happily. "I thought a little surprise was in order here."  
  
"Well, it sure worked." Boromir panted teasingly, dramatically wiping his forehead with a handkerchief.  
  
Aragorn laughed along with Legolas at that, and then turned quickly towards the kitchen again. "Arwen!!" He called quickly. "Shnookums, come out here quick!"  
  
Well, Arwen responded to that quite promptly, emerging from the kitchen once again and looking towards the direction from where the call had come from. "Aragorn what is-" She stopped short when she spotted the brightly smiling Elf standing among the two equally-grinning Men.  
  
Not long after though, the shock wore off quite well.  
  
"LEGOLAS!!!" She shrieked ecstatically, overjoyed at seeing the prince again after neither of them had seen each other for nearly two years.  
  
Rushing forward like a shot, the Elf maiden practically flung herself into Legolas' arms, laughing in delight as the prince whirled her around before setting her back down and gazing brightly into her beautiful face, studying her to see if there had been any changes since they last met, as he usually did.  
  
"Ai, Arwen, beautiful as ever." The golden-haired Elf complimented her. "You never cease to amaze me."  
  
"And you are also equally as handsome as ever, if not more so." Arwen returned dutifully.  
  
Aragorn was growing slightly uncomfortable at this, but Boromir quickly reached over and squeezed his arm reassuringly as if trying to tell him that nothing "dangerous" was going to come of the Elf prince and the Elf maiden spending a little happy time together.  
  
After a few more minutes of happy reunions, Arwen turned to all of them with a bright smile on her pretty face. "I suppose you're all probably starving. Come on in and have some breakfast, it's all ready."  
  
"Praise to the Valar!" Boromir said dramatically, causing more outbursts of laughter to come from the group, which was now a group of four.  
  
***  
  
Breakfast that morning was both a happy and an uneasy one.  
  
Happy because it was simply wonderful to have Boromir and Legolas with them again, and uneasy because first of all, the Dwarves had already begun their usual insultments and tormentings on Legolas again, and that was not pleasing Legolas at all, and second of all, Elrond still had not come down from his room.  
  
"I do wonder what he is doing right now..." Arwen said nervously, picking rather unhungrily at her pancakes.  
  
"Aw, I'm sure he's just fine. You know Pops!" Aragorn said cheerfully. "He's such a Poppsy Floppsy that he'll be sure to take care of himself!"  
  
"Uh, duh, but what if he's all dead and stuff?" Gandalf asked scaredly.  
  
"And WHAT is a "Poppsy Floppsy"?!" Gimli demanded.  
  
"It's a weird, dumb nickname, son." Gloin answered compassionately, then glared out at everyone else. "And I wouldn't doubt it for one second if Elrond was dead!"  
  
"Yeah right. Pops? Dead? Ha! There hasn't been so much as a mess in here since the war!" Aragorn said indignantly, clearly not hearing the messy splat of Boromir accidentally pouring too much syrup on his pancakes and spilling the sticky substance all over the place.  
  
"Still, I think we should check on him." Arwen said simply, standing up from her chair and starting to head for the stairs. "If he has gone for a walk, then we will at least see some evidence up in his room."  
  
"But doesn't Lord Elrond usually tell you when he's going for a walk?" Boromir pointed out.  
  
"Yeah, and he never does it right before breakfast!" Aragorn added eagerly.  
  
Well, these comments certainly did not ease Arwen's feelings at all, and she hastened quickly in heading up to her father's room.  
  
Once she was out of sight, Legolas frowned at the two Men. "Why did you have to say that to her?" He asked in a disapproving tone of voice.  
  
"Well...she doesn't like it when I lie you know." Aragorn pointed out simply.  
  
"I was just trying to be honest." Boromir added.  
  
The Dwarves snorted, and Gandalf stared blankly.  
  
"Uh, duh, is Elrond all gone and stuff?" The frail wizard asked dumbly.  
  
"Maybe, maybe not." Aragorn said casually, reaching for another sausage.  
  
At that very moment, a horrified scream rang out from the upstairs.  
  
"ARAGOOOORRRNNNN!!!"  
  
At that scream, Aragorn immediately went rigid in his seat, almost all of the color draining from his face. "Arwen..." He breathed in a very panicked voice.  
  
Whenever Arwen screamed, it was for a very good reason, and all of the people sitting at the table knew that well.  
  
Ok! There's a nice cliffie for you...though I'm sure some of you will be able to guess just what Arwen saw. *shrugs* Oh well. I tried. Please review!!! I need to know what you think...especially since two new characters have now been presented in the story. I need feedback!!!  
  
*Hmmm...how do you describe it? I always label that kind of expression with a capitol L in it, so that you'll know what it is without having me explain it in seven paragraphs each time. I would say the best way to describe it would be kind of annoyed, in a very "yeah right"ish fashion, kind of "do you really expect me to believe that"ish, if you somehow get my meaning. Like I said, it's kind of annoyed, maybe a bit "I'm so sure"ish. I dunno. I really don't know how to explain it, and that's why I labeled it that way. *shrugs helplessly* Sorry.  
  
Don't forget to review! Just click that little button down there to the left of the screen that says "Go". It will take you right to a screen where you just write down stuff. K? :0D 


	7. Chapter 7

By: Melphie13  
  
Disclaimer: Ok, the usual. Tolkien owns everything except my witto Orcsies and the personalites.  
  
THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK you to the reviewers. You guys really make my day, you know that?  
  
Thanks Ammie. *smiles sheepishly and gives her kiss* You're my angel. And so are my two wonderful little sisters who started this all!  
  
Ok, I think I'm doing better on my pro-information thingies! They keep gettin' shorter...I think. *looks at other chapters uncertainly* Hmm. I guess they kind of go up and down.  
  
Ok, here is chapter 7 now! So...er...grab a fresh chocolate chip cookie and a glass of lemonade and prepare yourself matie, for the next chapter!  
  
Chapter 7  
  
It actually happened a bit more like this, in the real course of things.  
  
"ARAGORN!!!" Arwen's scream came, remember?  
  
And then Aragorn went all rigid in his seat and breathed: "Arwen", right? Well, he had actually already lept from his seat when he said "Arwen", and only a half a second later he was charging right for the stairs. Got it?  
  
Good.  
  
"That doesn't sound very good..." Boromir mumbled seriously to himself, quickly standing up from his seat as well and running right after Aragorn, Legolas soon at his heels.  
  
Gandalf blinked dumbly as he stared after the retreating figures, and then he turned to stare at the Dwarves. "Uh, duh, why are they being all hurry-upish and stuff?" He asked.  
  
Gimli and Gloin just rolled their eyes and pushed their chairs back so that they could get off of their seats as well and make for Elrond's room so they could see what all the screaming was about too.  
  
Seeing that the Dwarves were leaving, Gandalf (absolutely terrified at the thought of being alone) quickly stood up from his seat, almost tripping on his gray robes as he did, and scrambling frantically on after the others.  
  
Aragorn burst into Elrond's room, (which was, infact, the place that Arwen was) his eyes wild with worry and panic. "Arwen what's wrong?!" He asked frantically.  
  
Arwen was sitting on Elrond's bed, her pretty face streaked with tears and a piece of paper in her hands. "Aragorn...look at this..." She managed to say between sobs.  
  
Aragorn frowned in concern and walked over to her side, seating himself down on the bed and starting to read the note.  
  
Only a moment later, Boromir, Legolas, the Dwarves, and Gandalf came right in as well, their eyes settling immediately on the sobbing Arwen and the reading Ranger.  
  
Legolas blinked. "What's wrong?" He asked uncertainly.  
  
"Yeah, what's all bad and stuff?" Gandalf demanded in complete terror, though he hadn't even seen anything "all bad and stuff" yet.  
  
"Hmph. You crying over nothing again?" Gloin snarled.  
  
Boromir dutifully bonked the Dwarf on the head, and then walked over to Aragorn's side, also peering at the note.  
  
A moment later, he slumped. "Oh great." He muttered, realizing at once what the note was.  
  
"What? What is it?" Legolas asked quickly, walking briskly over to the two Men. "Can I see?"  
  
"Y-yeah...sure Legsie." Aragorn replied at last, his eyes very wide as he slowly lowered the note flat onto his lap.  
  
Legolas gave him a Look. "It's upside-down Aragorn, I can't read it."  
  
Boromir groaned and flipped the note right-side-up for the prince.  
  
Legolas peered carefully at the note, and his blue eyes immediatly went wide.  
  
"What?! What is it?!" The Dwarves could simply stand the suspense no longer and charged right at the note, snatching it away from Aragorn and starting to read over it greedily.  
  
Legolas rolled his eyes in disgust. "Dwarves." He muttered.  
  
"Elves." Gimli shot back, making a face at the Elf and then going back to reading the paper.  
  
"Great Balrogs. Elrond's been Elf-napped!" Gloin finally explained after the note had finally registered in his head.  
  
This comment, however, caused quite a commotion.  
  
"I knew it!!!" Aragorn shouted in triumph. "I knew it would happen!!"  
  
"AAAIIIII!!!" Arwen started wailing all over again and sobbing afresh.  
  
"Quiet Aragorn!" Boromir hissed.  
  
"Ten bars of gold?!?" Legolas exclaimed in horror.  
  
"Man, I knew Elrond was dumb, but this..." Gloin said dramatically.  
  
"I agree." Gimli quickly said.  
  
"Uh, duh, is Elrond all gone and stuff?" Gandalf asked dumbly.  
  
The truth of the matter was that everyone said those things at the same time.  
  
It was a very uncomfortable fix that our characters found themselves in.  
  
***  
  
"Ok...so...any suggestions?" Boromir finally asked the group as they all sat, gathered together around the big table in the dining room.  
  
No one said anything. There was complete silence around the table except for the constant sniffling from Arwen.  
  
"Um...maybe we should...give them the money?" Legolas suggested helplessly.  
  
"Thank you Mr. Obvious." Aragorn muttered.  
  
"Face it. They've probably killed him already." Gimli concluded firmly.  
  
"DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT!!!" Arwen almost screamed, still sobbing over the whole fact that her father had been kidnapped.  
  
"I say we give the money, then once we have Pops back, we find the bad guys, kill em', and get the money back again!" Aragorn announced.  
  
Everyone else just blinked.  
  
"Erm, what did the note say again?" Boromir finally asked.  
  
Legolas sighed and took the note out of his pocket, unfolding it and beginning to read. "Friends and family and all that stuff of this missing guy, we have taken him hostage, just so you know, until you give us ten bars of gold. Just leave the gold stuff right by that big rock by the waterfalls. If it's not there by sunset tomorrow night, we'll kill the guy, Ok? Signed, Slim." Once he finished, the Elf gave Boromir an extra challenging look.  
  
"Oh...ok, that sure helps." Boromir mumbled sarcastically.  
  
"Just do what they say!" Gimli snapped. "Leave the ten bars of gold. What's ten bars of gold to Lord Elrond of Imladris?!"  
  
"Everything." Arwen sighed. "We were saving up to build another music hall for the festivities this year. Father has been planning on it for so long..." Fresh tears welled up in her eyes. "...and we won't be able to do it if we have to give up that much!" And with that, Arwen completely burst into a new round of sobs, Aragorn quickly hurrying to comfort her afterwords.  
  
Boromir sighed and shook his head. "I dunno. It's all really complicated."  
  
"Uh, duh, maybe we should just go and get Elrond all back and stuff." Gandalf suggested innocently.  
  
"We can't." Legolas sighed. "We don't know how many there are, or how deadly they are."  
  
"Or how serious they are!" Aragorn added enthusiastically. "Why, they might be savage enough to take Pops and throw him right over the falls!"  
  
This, of course, made Arwen cry even harder.  
  
"Thank you Aragorn, that was most helpful." Boromir growled, glaring darkly at the already-regretting Ranger.  
  
"What creature would possibly have the nerve to sneak into Elrond's bedroom anyway?" Legolas wondered out loud.  
  
"Well, they would either be very crafty and intelligent...or just plain stupid." Boromir informed him.  
  
"So what do we do?" Arwen sniffled.  
  
"Nothing. Elrond's toast." Gloin concluded.  
  
"Shat up!" Aragorn snapped. "Pops is too narrow-minded to let anything like that happen."  
  
"Aragorn." Arwen scolded.  
  
"Unless we fake it or something." Gimli said casually.  
  
"What do you mean?" Legolas asked suspiciously.  
  
"Well, we could just take some building blocks and paint them gold, cash em' in, get Elrond back, and lock up your house from now on." Gimli said with a proud smile.  
  
Gloin patted him heartily on the back for that.  
  
Legolas stared at him unbelievingly. "And just what do you think would happen to Elrond when his captors find out that our "bars of gold" are actually baby toys?"  
  
Gimli glared darkly at him.  
  
"I've got it!"  
  
A sudden, triumphant shout from Boromir caused everyone to stop what they were talking about and look over at him.  
  
Well, the ever-inventive, creative Gondorian guy now had a very wide, sly smile on his face...the kind of smile that always appeared on his face when a new idea or invention had come to his mind.  
  
"Well...get on with it B!" Aragorn insisted eagerly.  
  
"Yes Boromir, what is it?" Arwen asked anxiously.  
  
"This better be good." The Dwarves muttered.  
  
Boromir ignored the rude comment and grinned at the people around the table who weren't grumping. "Gandalf, I think we're going to need you for this one."  
  
Everyone else's eyes widened immediately.  
  
"Gandalf?" Aragorn asked in complete disbelief.  
  
"He'll be killed." Legolas automatically concluded.  
  
"No...I don't think so." Boromir said with a sly smile. "But if he is, it's better than one of us, right?"  
  
"I guess so." Arwen said uneasily, still not getting the plan at all.  
  
"Just what are we going to be doing?" Legolas asked the question that everyone was wondering.  
  
Boromir grinned. "You'll see." He said slyly.  
  
~**~  
  
Elrond had never recalled having such a miserable time with Orcs since he was captured that one group time long, long ago.  
  
But these weren't those kind of Orcs.  
  
These Orcs were very stupid.  
  
Boss did nothing but run around the cave, yelling at all the other Orcs and making sure that no one fell asleep, because they were all supposed to be keeping watch for someone who might come along with their ransom money.  
  
Elrond, on the other hand, had to sit down the whole day on the dirty floor, tied so tightly to the stalagmite behind him that he was sure he was purple. All that they gave him to eat was some kind of mush that looked positively disgusting, and what was more, it seemed like the Orcs honestly expected him to eat with his mouth alone, because they never untied him at all.  
  
It was a good thing Elrond didn't like the look of that food or the temptation would have been worse than it already was.  
  
Boy, what a life he had.  
  
He did not want to have to give any money whatsoever to these foul creatures, partially because they certainly didn't deserve it and the last thing he wanted was to give them satisfaction, and partially because he needed that money for the new music hall.  
  
Man, he sure hoped that Arwen knew that.  
  
"Hey, are you falling asleep?!" Boss suddenly snapped into the Noldor Elf's face.  
  
Elrond glared darkly at him. "No, I'm thinking." He snarled back at the small Orc. "And would you mind taking a step back? You really stink."  
  
Well, this did not go well for proud old Boss at all, and the Orc immediately turned a nice shade of red from fury and turned quickly to Bugley.  
  
"Bugley!...Bugley!" He snapped to the biggest Orc.  
  
Well, Bugley had apparently dozed off from boredom, but immediately woke at the sound of Boss' very loud voice. "What? What?!" He immediately shrieked, scrambling wildly to his feet.  
  
Boss put on an intentionally evil smile. "It seems that our little ransom-Elf doesn't know the meaning of respect." He said slyly.  
  
Elrond swallowed. "Oh no. He's going to have me pounded by that big guy." He realized in horror as he gazed at the muscular, huge Orc. He did not know if these Orcs were overly smart, but he did know that they were very set on being evil, whether they were actually evil or not.  
  
"Uh, ok Boss." Bugley said simply.  
  
Boss glared. "I'm not finished yet, you idiot." He growled. "I want you to do something bad to him."  
  
"Uh, ok." Bugley said uneasily. "What do you want me to do?" He glanced at Elrond in complete nervousness.  
  
Boss grinned evilly. "Make him eat his supper." He said slyly, as if he had just said the most evil, dangerous thing ever.  
  
Elrond's eyebrows went up like a shot. That was it?! I mean, he certainly did not want to eat that disgusting slimy, globby stuff, but he would have thought that that huge Orc would at least knock him over the head or something...  
  
But it was not to be, for the next thing Elrond knew, he had a face-full of mush in his face.  
  
~**~  
  
"Uh, duh, what am I supposed to do again?" Gandalf asked in utter nervousness as the others were seeing him off to go do his duty.  
  
Boromir rolled his eyes and replied harshly. "You have to go out to that rock that the Orcs were talking about and leave that note there. You know where that rock is! You've been there hundreds of times."  
  
"But...uh...duh...what if I'm all grabbed and stuff?" Gandalf asked in a very quivery voice.  
  
Legolas smiled at him. "Then you're all grabbed and stuff." He answered simply.  
  
"Ohhh..." Gandalf said stroking his beard, acting all realizy and stuff.  
  
"Ok Gandy Flandy, now go do your and-stuff!" Aragorn said eagerly.  
  
"And please make sure that the note is delivered." Arwen said anxiously, growing more and more worried as the time passed by.  
  
"It's been almost a day now, and we only have until tonight." Boromir added quickly.  
  
"Uh, duh, ok." Gandalf said simply, turning around and starting to head off in the direction of the waterfalls.  
  
The others watched him go in uncertainty.  
  
"Uh..." Aragorn shifted his weight uncomfortably next to Boromir. "Do you think he'll make it?"  
  
Boromir nodded slightly. "He should." He replied simply.  
  
"Thanks B." Aragorn said sarcastically.  
  
"He'll die." Gimli announced casually.  
  
"Uh...just what did the note say?" Legolas asked cautiously, finally realizing that Boromir had never actually told anyone what the message in the note was.  
  
Boromir raised an eyebrow slyly. "Oh, nothing much." He answered simply.  
  
Legolas frowned. He didn't believe Boromir for one second, especially considering the fact that Aragorn had helped him write it.  
  
He simply did not know that the note distinctly said:  
  
This is a note for Lord Elrond, whoever you guys are.  
  
Elrond,  
  
We regret to inform you that we will not be giving the ten gold bars. Arwen says that she loves you, and Aragorn says to take a pill. You were a most gracious lord, but all we can do now is hope and pray.  
  
Your friends, Boromir, Aragorn, Gimli, Gloin, Gandalf, Legolas, and Arwen.  
  
Valar be with you.  
  
~**~  
  
Ok, totally wierd, but it will have to do. Kind of a cliffie huh? Just trying to keep your suspicion up. I bet you're all desperately hoping that Elrond isn't killed. Well, I hate to say it, but no garauntees.  
  
He very well may be a gonner.  
  
PLEEEEEEEEEAAASSE REVIEW!!! 


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Everyone is Mr. Tolkien's except the Orcs and the characters' personalites. Those are mine.  
  
I can never begin to express my thanks to all the reviewers. You guys save my life each time you send those little messages, and it really helps me to keep writing. You guys all rock the day away! *bows to them*  
  
Yeah!! Shortest one yet! You guys all just kick back and relax now, and grab lots of comfy pillows and blankets. It's chilly out here! Gotta' keep warm. Wouldn't want my reviewers all frozen! *looks worried at very thought*  
  
Chapter 8  
  
This is a note for Elrond, whoever you guys are.  
  
Elrond,  
  
We regret to inform you that we will not be giving the ten gold bars. Arwen says she loves you, and Aragorn says to take a pill. You were a most gracious lord, but all we can do now is hope and pray.  
  
Your friends,  
  
Boromir, Aragorn, Gimli, Gloin, Gandalf, Legolas, and Arwen.  
  
Valar be with you.  
  
When Pugley finished reading the note out loud to everyone inside the little cave-thing that the Orcs called their hideout, he let his arms fall to his sides, and looked around at all the blank, disbelieving faces around him. "That's all it said." He announced grimly.  
  
Boss and Elrond were tied for looking the most dumbfounded.  
  
"They're...they're not gonna send the money?" Boss murmured in disbelief.  
  
"They're NOT going to send the money?!?" Elrond exclaimed, much louder than our poor little Boss had.  
  
Pugley shrugged. "Guess not!" He said cheerfully. He looked over eagerly at Boss. "Can we kill im' now?"  
  
Elrond glared at him.  
  
Boss also glared at him...like a wolf. "You IDIOT!!! Of COURSE we're not going to kill him!!!" He scowled darkly at Elrond. "We're gonna send another note, this time threatening to chop him into little tiny pieces and then eat him!!"  
  
"Ewww!!!" The other Orcs chorused. (Elrond resisting the tempation to do the same)  
  
Boss glared daggers at them. "It's not "EWWWW!!" It's ORCISH!!!" He crossed his arms stubbornly over his chest. "Why, to not eat him after that threat would be..." He thought very hard on this. "Incongruous."  
  
Elrond stared at him. "Do you even know what that words means?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Oh, shut up!" Boss snapped. "We're thinking right now!"  
  
"We are?" Slim asked uncertainly, looking around at his fellow Orcs.  
  
Boss glared at him. "Yes we are." And with that, as if to prove his point, he started busily trying to look like he was deeply pondering the situation.  
  
"Woa..." Bugley murmured. "When he looks like that we're usually in big trouble!"  
  
Elrond gulped. "Really?"  
  
All three Orcs (that weren't busy trying to look like some kind of scientist professor that couldn't remember what a rock was) nodded gravely.  
  
Elrond was getting a little nervous with the situation. At first he had doubted that the Orcs would be smart enough to even think about doing anything horrible...but now he was beginning to wonder whether they would do it just because they were crazy enough.  
  
At last, Boss straightened up. "I HAVE IT---OUCH!!!" He bellowed, straightening up so much that he hit his head on a stalagmite. Now he found himself with a great idea, and a headache.  
  
The other three Orcs hurried over to him.  
  
"Gosh, are you ok Boss?" Bugley asked in great concern.  
  
"Oh, shut up." Boss snapped, straightening up once again, (this time carefully avoiding the stalagmite). "I was merely stating that I had another brilliant plan."  
  
The other Orcs all looked quite hopeful.  
  
Boss grinned a toothy, partially-evil grin. (it was all he could muster at the moment thanks to his headache) "We're going to send another note, this time threatening to chop him into little tiny--"  
  
"You already said that." Elrond grumbled, not really wanting to hear his death sentence all over again.  
  
Boss glared at him. "Don't interrupt me!" He snapped, then turned importantly back to his fellow Orcs. "As I was saying, we are going to threaten to chop him into little tiny pieces and--"  
  
"Boss, the Elf is right, you already said that." Pugley interrupted seriously.  
  
Boss looked ready to throw a pebble at him he was so angry. o.o  
  
"DON'T INTERRUPT ME YOU IDIOT!!!" He bellowed so loud that a few grains of dirt fell from the dusty ceiling of the cave.  
  
Slim was the first to take the hold off his ears. "Calm down Boss, or you're going to bring the whole cave down!"  
  
Boss pretended to ignore this with all the dignity he could muster, but looked up at the crumbling ceiling for one fearful second anyway. After recovering from this, he cleared his throat, and tried to straighten himself up in an important fashion once again, (though it was pretty hard to feel important when everyone around him was at least three or four feet taller than he was).  
  
"Well, what are you waiting for?" He pointed a stubby finger at Slim. "Write the note you idiot!"  
  
Slim shrugged. "All right." He replied, and went in search of some paper.  
  
"But Boss," Pugley protested. "What if they say no again?"  
  
Boss put a very confident grin on his ugly, almost evil face. "They won't." He insisted simply. "No one in their right mind would sentence the Lord of Imladris to being chopped to pieces!"  
  
~**~  
  
This for Elrond again you guys.  
  
Elrond,  
  
Sorry, but we can't give the money over. Arwen says she loves you again, and Aragorn says to go bunji-jumping. Arwen also apologizes that she can't do as the Orcs ask, but you must understand.  
  
Farewell.  
  
Your friends, Boromir, Aragorn, Gimli, Gloin, Gandalf, Legolas, and Arwen  
  
Sorry.  
  
This time, Elrond finished reading out loud with the most utter look of horror on his face.  
  
Boss was almost shaking with rage. "They're not going to send the gold are they?" He managed to grind out before he started shaking again.  
  
Elrond was still staring at the note in stunned blankness. "Apparently not..." Finally, he dropped his arms to his sides, staring off into space with the most perfect picture of disbelief and disgust on his face. "I can't believe they are doing this to me!"  
  
"Woa.I can't believe it either!" Bugley commented with a rather alarmed look on his face.  
  
Pugley snorted. "Well, whoever these friends of yours are, they sure aren't very good ones! You should probably go get some new ones."  
  
"Don't tell him THAT you idiot!!!" Boss suddenly snapped. "He's not going to get a CHANCE to make new friends!!"  
  
Slim blinked. "Why not?" He asked in confusion.  
  
Boss smiled proudly. "Because we have to kill him now!" He announced.  
  
While Elrond looked horrified, the Orcs were looking confused.  
  
"Why?" Bugley asked.  
  
Boss's proud smile faded. "You idiot, because we said we WOULD!!!"  
  
"Yeah, but we've never killed an Elf before!" Pugley pointed out. "What if they're blood is green or something?" He turned the slightest shade of green even as he said that. "I don't think I could take that."  
  
Boss was looking disbelievingly at his comrades. "You idiot, of COURSE his blood isn't GREEN!!!"  
  
"Actually Boss, it's quite possible that it is, seeing as we've got black blood and royalties have blue blood." Slim started counting off the different colors on his fingers until he had no more fingers to count with. ".And I think Master Eyeball has no blood at all."  
  
"Ew." Bugley commented simply.  
  
"THAT DOESN'T MATTER!!!" Boss exploded. "What matters is that they won't give the money, and we've got to kill him!!!" He pointed a finger at Elrond.  
  
"Ok." Pugley shrugged. "Whatever you say Boss."  
  
"No, wait a minute!" Elrond held up his hands desperately for a halt. "I'll make a deal with you!"  
  
The Orcs stared at him warily.  
  
Elrond took this as his cue to continue, so he did just that. "Listen, if you will let me live, I swear to you that I will help you get the money you asked for."  
  
The Orcs, all except for Boss, started pondering this.  
  
"Well, that sounds fair!" Slim admitted cheerfully.  
  
"No it does NOT you idiot!!!" Boss snapped. "We can't trust him! He's an Elf!"  
  
"Oh." Slim thought hard on that, trying to find a way to make sense out of that.  
  
"W-well, tell you what," Elrond continued. "If.if I don't get you the gold, then you can kill me." He grimaced as he forced those dreadful words out of his mouth. He honestly hated sentencing himself to death like that, but who knows? There was a chance it could save his life.  
  
"Hmmmm." Boss put a finger to his mouth, doing his best to look like he was seriously considering the situation.  
  
The other three Orcs leaned in closer to get ready to catch what he was going to say.  
  
Elrond closed his eyes tightly and crossed his fingers, praying for the best.  
  
"Mmmm.all right." Boss finally concluded simply. "But if you fail, then we'll chop you to bits. Comprendae?"  
  
Elrond swallowed, but nodded. "All right. Comprendae."  
  
Boss's beady eyes narrowed and he stuck out his hand. "Don't shake unless you mean it." He warned gravely.  
  
Elrond grimaced at this gesture, but forced himself to come to know that this could save his live, and then stiffly stuck his hand out, clasping the Orc's in a firm handshake.  
  
"I can't believe I am shaking hands with an Orc!" Elrond thought in disgust to himself, pulling his hand away as soon as it was released and wiping it quickly on the sleeve of his robes, just in case.  
  
Boss grinned another toothy, dirty grin. "K then. What's the plan Mr. Elf guy?"  
  
"Yeah, spill it!" Bugley ordered, then he stopped and muttered to himself. "Though this could really turn out like that time when we spilled that tar."  
  
"I TOLD YOU NEVER TO MENTION THAT TAR AGAIN!!!" Boss exploded right away, causing everyone to hold their ears.  
  
"Woa.sorry!" Bugley quickly apologized, not risking further wrath from his short-tempered leader.  
  
Boss smiled importantly in satisfaction, then looked back expectantly at Elrond, attempting (and failing) a superior smile. "Well?"  
  
Elrond, inspired by this, offered a real superior look. "I'll tell you.but you have to give me a decent meal tonight and swear you'll store some edible food up in this Valar-forsaken hole!" He announced, crossing his arms over his chest stubbornly.  
  
Boss blinked, then glared at Slim. "You heard him. Get it ready." He gave Elrond a very annoyed look. "Satisfied?"  
  
Elrond smiled. "Quite." And with that, the Elven Lord leaned down a good distance in order to be able to whisper in Boss's ear just the plan that he had in mind.  
  
~**~  
  
Ok, THAT might have been a cliffie, I dunno. Depends on how you guys take cliffies. I, personally, like my cliffies nice and abrupt. Other people, however, might like them covered in chocolate, or nicely rounded, or maybe even baked for a while, I dunno. I tried though!  
  
Bonus: Special congratulations to anyone who can tell me where that line "don't shake unless you mean it" came from. Good luck!  
  
PLEEEAASEE review!!! It really helps me to write. Just click the little button and whee!!! Make my day a happy one!! 


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I own no one except the Orcs and the character's personality. Everything else belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien himself.  
  
I honestly don't know how to thank you all for your reviews. You really save my life, you know? I don't think this story would have gotten very far without you guys!  
  
Apologies: WAAAHHHH!!! I am SOOOO sorry for not updating in forever!!! *takes out knife* I should really do this...but I owe you guys a few more chapters before that comes into play, so here you go. Two new chapters to offer my most immense apologies. *grovels before readers* Can you EVER forgive me?!? I sure hope so, otherwise I might be forced to jump off one of my own cliffies and seek revenge on myself for this...this...treachery. *shakes head dramatically*  
  
Ok. Back to business. Your overdue chapter 9 served to you all on a silver platter! *bows and holds it out to them* I hope to enjoy it! Grab yourself a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows and get ready for a new twist to come into the story!  
  
Chapter 9  
  
"I can't BELIEVE we're listening to our CAPTIVE!!!" Boss snarled dangerously as he and the other three Orcs were packing up, preparing for that night.  
  
"Well...he didn't say nothing wrong did he?" Bugley asked uncertainly.  
  
Boss glared at him. "You idiot. Of COURSE he said something wrong!!! He told ME what to DO!!!" He took a deep, shaky breath. "Is is simply incongruous." He announced.  
  
"Well Boss, if it's incongruous, then why are we listening to him at all?" Slim asked timidly.  
  
Bingo.  
  
Boss stopped for a moment, and actually considered this. "Hmmmm...well... I'll tell you why, Slim." He turned around, smiling sweetly at the stick- thin Orc. "Because of one simple thing. HIS IDEA IS GOING TO GET US THE GOLD WE DESERVE!!!"  
  
All the other Orcs backed up in alarm at the volume of their leader's voice.  
  
"Ok, calm down Boss, we're following you!" Pugley assured him quickly.  
  
Boss smiled importantly. "Good. Or I might be forced to..." He thought hard. "Punish you." And with that, he turned around in a huff to finish packing the supplies.  
  
Bugley blinked, then whispered to Pugley. "Um...do you think this is going to work?"  
  
Pugley immediately put a hand over the other Orc's big mouth. "Shhh!!! Boss'll hear you!"  
  
"'Fo?" Bugley asked in a confused, muffled voice.  
  
Pugley took his hand away. "What?" He asked, straining his ear to hear.  
  
"I said, 'so'?" Bugley repeated.  
  
Pugley blinked. "Do you want your head chopped off?"  
  
Bugley shrugged. "I dunno. I've never had my head chopped off before."  
  
Pugley frowned at him. "Just keep it down Bugley! Or you'll get us banished again!" With that, he went to go get the big sack that the four Orcs had kept Elrond in when they had kidnapped him that night.  
  
Elrond himself was supervising the operation, clearly trying to keep a look of impassive, superior authority on his face, but inside, his stomach was churning. What if his plan failed? What if the Orcs screwed up and ruined the whole thing? What if he screwed up in this plan? He would surely be killed.  
  
"Ok!" Boss's voice broke through Elrond's thoughts. "We're all set then!"  
  
"Can we go now?" Slim asked impatiently.  
  
Elrond shook his head at them. "Not until dark."  
  
Boss WHIRLED around and glared at him. "YOU can't tell US what to do!!" He announced angrily.  
  
Elrond's eyes narrowed. "So sorry Mr. Boss." He rolled his eyes. "But tell me, did you honestly consider coming to Rivendell and kidnapping me in broad daylight?"  
  
The Orcs seemed taken aback by this. Well, every Orc that is, except Boss. He was still trying to seem the authority here, with a failingly-smug look on his face.  
  
"Of course we wouldn't have!" Boss announced importantly. "That would be incongruous!"  
  
Elrond rolled his eyes again, muttering to himself as he twisted around in his bonds to the other side of the stalagmite. "I have been kidnapped by the century's morons."  
  
~**~  
  
That night, Elrond remembered clearly the Orcs tying him up on the stalagmite again before they left.  
  
"YOU IDIOTS!!!" Boss had screamed once they left the cave, pointing a stubby, insisting finger at Elrond. "TIE HIM UP!!!"  
  
The Orcs had hastened wildly to do so, at first tying him up so tightly that Elrond was beginning to turn blue, but he managed to choke out that he was being strangled, so Boss screamed at them again and they loostened it.  
  
Elrond also remembered the Orcs disappearing out of the cave and into the woods...but he didn't remember anything else. He must have fallen asleep.  
  
Because the next thing he knew, the Orcs were back, struggling mightily with a wriggling sack held between them.  
  
Elrond's eyes widened. Uh oh. It had worked. At the moment, he was trying very hard to determine whether this was more of a good thing than a bad thing...or the other way around.  
  
Suddenly, Bugley opened the sack carefully and peeked in for a moment...and earned himself a fairly big yell from inside the sack for it.  
  
Outraged, Boss reached down quickly and tipped the sack up...spilling their new captive down onto the floor.  
  
Elrond stared down at the captive, then sighed heavily. "Well, here we go." He muttered to himself.  
  
The captive turned out to be a very, very angry Dwarf named Gimli.  
  
"I WANT OUT!!!" He whined with everything he had.  
  
Elrond rolled his eyes. Something told him that he was not going to be very pleasant company for the group of five.  
  
However, the next day, a very loud scream from Rivendell was heard...in the voice of Gloin, and Elrond had a feeling that maybe his plan wasn't so bad after all.  
  
~**~  
  
Ok, pretty short, but it's all I had time for. Hope you enjoyed it! I sure had fun writing it. Yeah, Gloin's not going to be very happy about this...but will he be able to talk Boromir into giving the money over? You'll have to see. Please review!!! PLEASE!!! 


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I do not own anything except the Orcs and some of the personalities. Everything else is Tolkien's.  
  
Oh man, if I even BEGAN to thank all you wonderful reviewers for taking the time to tell me what you think about my story, I'd be going on until we're all old and gray. You've saved my life! *bows down* Thank you so much!  
  
Ok, finally, another chapter waiting for you! So go sit by the fire with a hot dog to roast, and let's get going!  
  
~**~  
  
Chapter 10  
  
"NOOOOOOO!!!!"  
  
That was the exact dreadful noise that came from Gimli's room the very next morning.  
  
Everyone else in the House of Elrond came running quickly out of their room, some with looks of annoyance on their faces and others with looks of anticipation. (in Aragorn's case, excited glee)  
  
But when the small group of heroes actually came to bursting into Gimli's room, they found not Gimli sitting upon the poor disheveled bed...but our dear friend Gloin, who was clutching a letter dramatically to his heart and wailing his head off.  
  
Everyone in the doorway blinked.  
  
"Um...good morning to you too, Gimli..." Boromir stammered, unsure (like the rest of them) of what was going on...but he still didn't like the looks of it.  
  
"Whazzup?" Aragorn asked cheerfully. "Didja' get bitten by a misquito?!"  
  
Gandalf gave a small squeak of terror at this, but Arwen, acting as sweet and polite as ever, carefully approached Gloin and sat down beside him, starting to offer a bit of comfort to the distraught Dwarf. "Oh, don't cry Gloin..." She said sweetly. "What's wrong?"  
  
"I can't TELL you!!!" Gloin sobbed dramatically, clutching the piece of paper tighter.  
  
Legolas surveyed the situation carefully, then raised an eyebrow and asked quite calmly, "Were you drawing a picture?"  
  
"That would do it." Boromir grumbled as Aragorn snorted heavily in barely- contained laughter.  
  
"Um...are you all sad and stuff?" Gandalf asked scaredly.  
  
"Oh no Gandalf, he's PERFECTLY ok!" Boromir said sarcastically, then rolled his eyes and went over to Gloin. "Ok, fess up fat-stuff. What's wrong?"  
  
Gloin glared darkly at him through dark, teary eyes. "Why would YOU care?!" He challenged.  
  
"'Cause yer driving us all bonkers with all that whining!" Aragorn put in, prancing up happily to the sniffling Dwarf and non-hesitantly snatching the note from his fat hands. "Ooooohh!" He said as if in great interest, pretending to read the note enthusiastically. "You got a GIRLFRIEND Anoin' Gloin?"  
  
"NOOO!!!" Gloin bellowed, causing everyone to back up at least one step from the volume of his yelling.  
  
"Ok, ok!" Boromir said, frowning at him. "Let's just not panic here..."  
  
"NOT PANIC?!?" Gloin wailed. "DID YOU SEE WHAT THAT NOTE SAID?!?!"  
  
"Uhhhhhh...no, not yet." Boromir admitted. He took a sideways glance at Aragorn, who was still happily looking over the piece of paper. "But I will in about...two seconds." With that, the Gondorian guy snatched the note from his buddy and started reading it quickly.  
  
Aragorn was snickering like mad. "That's the FUNNIEST thing I've ever seen!!" He announced quite happily.  
  
"What is?" Legolas said quickly, moving to peer over Boromir's shoulder and read the note as well. A few seconds later, a small, almost wicked smile started to creep up onto the Elf's face.  
  
"What? What does it say?" Arwen asked worriedly, wrapping her bedroom robe more tightly around herself. "Is it something bad?"  
  
"Oh yes shnookums! Terrible!" Aragorn assured her with all cheerfulness.  
  
"Absolutely dreadful..." Legolas added with a tone in his voice that spoke obviously of teasing glee.  
  
"Uh...duh...what does it all say and stuff?" Gandalf asked weakly.  
  
"Well..." Boromir said, rather importantly folding up the note and stuffing it in his pocket. "It says that old Gimli has been Dwarf-napped by the same creatures that took Lord Elrond..."  
  
"Not creatures B, aliens!" Aragorn reminded him seriously, a huge smile on his face.  
  
Boromir gave him a Look. "Oh yeah. Right Aragorn." He cleared his throat and looked around at all the people in the room. "So that's the news I guess."  
  
Arwen gasped. "Oh dear! But what if he gets killed?"  
  
"You mean like Pops will?" Aragorn said casually, shrugging. "Well, unless yer the Angel of Death or something, you can't stop anythin' like that!"  
  
"Unless we give the money!!!" Gloin suddenly interrupted loudly, jumping to his feet and pointing a big, stubby finger accusingly at Boromir. "You...YOU did this!!" He announced.  
  
Boromir blinked. "Uh...what did I do?" He asked.  
  
Gloin glared daggers at him. "You...delayed......YOU KEPT ALL THAT STUPID MONEY HERE SO NOW GIMLI IS GONE WITH THOSE ALIENS AND WILL PROBABLY BE VAPORIZED!!!"  
  
"No, not vaporized..." Aragorn corrected with an evil grin. "He will be..." He paused for dramatic tension... "Assimilated!!"  
  
"Aiiii!!!" Arwen wailed in terror.  
  
"Yeah! And resistance is futile!!" The reporting Ranger assured them all.  
  
Boromir rolled his eyes while Arwen started to cry and Gloin started to scream angrily at them. "Yeah, right Aragorn. Sure." He took the note out of his pocket and looked it over again. "Well, it sames to be the same deal as before. Rivendell will be left broke...and all we get is Lord Elrond and Gimli back."  
  
"All we get?!" Legolas said disbelievingly. "You're saying that getting the lord of Imladris back is some small amount or something?!"  
  
"They could be killing him!!" Arwen cried, sobbing sorrowfully.  
  
"Oh, there, there shnookums!" Aragorn quickly said, rushing over and giving her a hug. "Please don't cry!"  
  
Arwen sniffed and nodded bravely. "I'll try sweetie." She assured him.  
  
"Well..." Boromir said, considering their options carefully. "If we handed over the money in a week...I'd say we'd be able to get both Elrond and Gimli back in about three or five days..."  
  
"No, if we wait that long we'll get Lord Elrond and Gimli back in three or five pieces!" Legolas said seriously. "There's no telling what those horrible things are doing to them over there!!"  
  
~**~  
  
"I'm hungry!!!" Gimli whined for the hundreth time as he wriggled impatiently in the ropes that bound both him and Elrond to a stalagmite in the big cave.  
  
"Just ignore him." Boss quickly told the other Orcs, wolfing down some of the mush that had been their only supply of food for the last few days. "He'll stop soon."  
  
The other Orcs looked doubtful, but they couldn't disobey their leader, so they went on eating anyway.  
  
Gimli's eyes narrowed. If there was one thing that Dwarves like him could not tolerate, it was being ignored......by ORCS no less!!!  
  
"Hey...HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU!!!" He bellowed, waiting for some kind of response...any kind of response! You see, he had been ignored for so long, that he was almost half-wishing that they would come over and whip him for a few minutes...just to show that they actually heard him!  
  
With this in mind, the impatient Dwarf opened his mouth once again to let out a loud, long, "HEEEEEEEEYYY—"But in the middle of saying this, his voice was cut off by Elrond giving him a very sharp kick in the leg, and so, his little vocal thing turned into "OOOUUUUCCCHHH!!!" Instead.  
  
"Just be quiet!!!" Elrond hissed angrily. "Do you honestly want to get yourself killed?!?"  
  
"Anything's better than starving to death!!" Gimli whined, wriggling around in the ropes more frantically than ever. "I'm wasting away already!!"  
  
Elrond took one look at the Dwarf's bulk and rolled his eyes. "I have a feeling that that won't be for a while yet." He remarked calmly.  
  
Gimli glared darkly at him. "And how would you know?! You're just a stupid Elf...and this is all YOUR fault too!!!"  
  
"My fault?!?" Elrond demanded, thoroughly insulted. "You know, I didn't ask to be captured by Orcs you know!!"  
  
Gimli snorted. "Easy for you to say!" He looked in a very dramatic, overly- suspicious way at him. "And how do I know that you didn't just set this all up so people would feel SORRY for you?!?"  
  
Boss rolled his eyes for the hundreth time as the distinct sound of someone being kicked and a loud yelp from Gimli reached his ears. "Ohhh...I am going to kill those idiots..." He vowed softly.  
  
"Well, why not just get it overwith then, Boss?" Pugley suggested. "I mean, who says that these guys are all that important? What if they were really just two regular guys that nobody cares about?"  
  
Boss glared darkly at him. "You IDIOT!!! Of course people care about these two!!! Why, that Elf is the Lord of Rivendell...and...and the Dwarf has a father!!"  
  
"So?" Slim asked simply.  
  
"SO THEY'RE GOING TO BE PAID FOR, OR THEY'RE GOING TO DIE!!!" Boss roared in his exceptionally-loud voice.  
  
Even Gimli stopped howling in pain long enough to stare at him in surprise.  
  
Boss, satisfied with this, smiled slightly in contentment. "After all, both of these two have family. Why, if their families don't openly just pour the money in our hands...that would be simply incongruous."  
  
The rest of the Orcs blinked.  
  
"Um...well...then how come we haven't gotten the money by now?" Bugley asked in a bit of confusion.  
  
That did it.  
  
Boss blew a few.  
  
"AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!" The enraged little Orc bellowed, starting to hop up and down and run around in circles like a creature possessed.  
  
Elrond and Gimli watched him in as much horror as the other Orcs did. Man, it was bad enough to be captured by stupid Orcs, but to be captured by insane ones...  
  
Glorfindel is never going to let me forget this...Elrond realized in a bit of dismay. Yes, this would deffidently be a tale to tell in the future.  
  
Gimli, beside him, just grumbled and sat back against the pillar, scowling and mumbling grouchily to no one in particular, "I'm still hungry."  
  
~**~  
  
"Ok..." Boromir said, carefully sitting down at the big dining room table in the House of Elrond and looking around at everyone also seated at it. "So...any suggestions?"  
  
"We give the money!!!" Gloin immediately announced.  
  
Boromir twittled his thumbs uneasily. "Um...okaayy...uh, any other suggestions?"  
  
Arwen sniffled, dabbing her eyes lightly with a handkerchief while Aragorn hugged her dutifully. "Well...if these people really are going to kill Father and Gimli...then, well..." She looked around uncomfortably at the rest of her friends, who were looking encourangingly at her. "Then...maybe we should just give them the money."  
  
"Uh...duh...is that all smart and stuff?" Gandalf asked scaredly.  
  
"Who knows?!? Just as long as we get GIMLI back!!" Gloin proclaimed in a voice that clearly would have gotten him heavy approval from his son...and that alone brought even more tears to his eyes.  
  
Aragorn rolled his eyes. "Yeah Anoin' Gloin, we hear ya." He looked at Boromir. "What do you think B? You're the one who's s'posed to be in charge of this stuff!"  
  
Boromir sighed. "Well, before we go to that, I say we check all other options before hand."  
  
Legolas nodded. "Fair enough...but what other options do we have?"  
  
Boromir put on a rather sly smile. "Well..." He said slyly, folding his hands regally and pausing for dramatic tension...  
  
~**~  
  
And a pause for dramatic tension it is! Of course the pause that my poor readers out there are going to get is bound to be a little bit longer...but I garauntee it won't be nearly as long if you review. So PLEEEAAAASSEE do!!! Just click the little button down there...yeah...it doesn't take that long, and I'd love to know what you think! *hopeful look* 


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I think you guys know what I'm going to say by now. :0)  
  
falls flat on face before reviewers You guys are angels sent from heaven, I swear. Thank you SOOOO much for the reviews!!!  
  
Heeheeheee. You guys all ready to know just what Boromir's plan is? DUNDUNDUNDUN!!! Cool! So grab a sodapop and some cheesecrackers and get ready for the next chapter!  
  
Warnings: This story contains a tense moment of a near-death experience, and a terribly graphic part of what happens if someone hits you on the head with a club as hard as Bugley would. shrugs All those who are too weak at heart to read that, please skip that part and move onto the next.  
  
Reliefs: No one dies in this chapter. :0)  
  
Advice: Do not eat your cheesecrackers while Elrond is reciting a very heroic piece of information to the Orcs during this chapter. Results might come in choking, gagging, and very orange-like particals flying all over the room. shrugs Just warning you!  
  
Review Replies  
  
Shivonne: Oh yes. sighs Elrond is most definitely doomed. I'd be a little more easy on him but that just wouldn't go well for this story. grins Keep praying for him though. He's gonna need it. evil grin  
  
Cestari: CESSTARRRIII!!! gives her bone-crunching hug Ohhh thank you for reviewing my story!!! Sorry it's been so long since my last update, but I've been really busy. And yes, Boromir does come up with some pretty nasty plots now and then...but usually they work out...usually. evil grin You probably have no idea what is going to happen in this next chapter, so I'll stop blabbering for now and let you find out twin o'mine!! wink  
  
Divastarz63: Ha! I'm very glad you like funny stories! Because...well, quite frankly, I do too. huge grin Obviously. And as far as Elrond goes...well...mysterious look You'll just have to wait and see. This could get ugly...or very...nice...  
  
DRAGON FIRE 13: Oh no!! gets smelling salt Don't pass out on me! I can't have good reviewers and buddies like you passing out!!! Hmmm...can't kill Elrond can I? Well, we'll just have to see about that. Keep on reading and you'll see what's up next? (but I must say I have to agree with you, and with people like Boromir and Aragorn on the job...Elrond is just about doomed. So if I kill him, make sure you jump up and down and shout at me, "I told you so!!!" because you would be right then. grin)  
  
Ainu Laire: Ohh, I'm very glad you like this story! Aragorn's your favorite character? That's awesome. He's an excellent guy to have for a favorite character... and yes, it is fun to make fun of your favorite people once in a while! (you should have seen one of the stories I did with Legolas, my favorite. I made him really superstitious and got scared at the very sight of someone falling in a mud puddle! Mwahahaha!)  
  
Angelofdarkness1001: Well, thank you very much for the compliments my dear angel! bows And yes, I do try to keep my readers occupied at least a little with these twisty-poos...and thanks to people like you, I'm updating now!! Yaayyy!! So now you can see what kind of plot Boromir has in mind. Just get ready for another one of those twists...EVIL grin Mwahahaha!  
  
Nothinglikeyou'veseen: Aaaahh!! Thank you SOOOO much for the review!! It made my day, really...and it was also my biggest inspiration for updating yet. So here you have it! Chapter 11!!! You're an angel, really. And yes, I did get this idea from Little House on the Prairie. I can't believe you watch it too!! high fives And yes, I do feel sorry for Rev. Alden and Dr. Baker when Charles smashes them and then the reverend can't even remember the code to the lock. That's too bad...grin And YES!! I LOOOVVEE that music when Harriet is trotting along to go deliver the note too. Awesome theme music! You just read my mind, you know that? And...leans close I must confess something. Part of the drive behind my updating was the fact that you said please with sugar and LEGOLAS on top!!! sooobbb Waaahh!! I couldn't resist. That kind of...of...blows nose I can't even say it!!! And yes! I'm still here! And I have UPDATED for thee my all-time hero! Thank you so much for the review, and get ready for more right now!! blows kisses You're the best!!  
  
Ok, that's it for now people. Get ready for the long-awaited chapter now! And hold onto your hats!!  
  
Chapter 11  
  
Dear Lord Elrond and Gimli,  
  
On behalf of all your friends, we regret to tell you that we shall not be sending the money. We know you will understand, and in this we take comfort. Tell your captors that we might give them a few coins if they kill you quickly, and Elrond, Arwen says she loves you, Gimli, Gloin says "be strong", and Aragorn tells both of you not to be assimiliated too quickly and not to talk like robots.  
  
Wish you luck!  
  
Your friends, Boromir, Aragorn, Gloin, Gandalf, Legolas, and Arwen.  
  
P.S. Don't worry. We won't let any pets into your house while you are in Mandos.  
  
Boss, Bugley, Pugley, Slim, and Gimli all sat completely and utterly still in shock as Elrond read off the letter that had been sent to them, all their hopes fading once again.  
  
Elrond dropped the letter once he was done reading it, a look of utter disbelief on his face. He said nothing, but a million emotions began playing across his face all at once as feelings of anger, FURY, horror, disbelief, and exhasperation passed through him.  
  
"I don't believe this." Boss managed to say through very stiff lips.  
  
"Well, jumpin' crickets if these guys are really your family and friends then they sure are lousy ones!!" Pugley remarked in all seriousness.  
  
"Oh well." Bugley said, trying, for the moment, to look on the bright side. "At least if we kill them quickly we'll still get a few coins."  
  
Boss' head shot up at those words, the usual fire flashing in his beady little eyes. "A few coins?" He repeated in disbelief. A pleasant smile came to his face, and with a nice chuckle, he scooted over to Bugley, patting his shoulder. "Oh I know, Bugley. I know how wonderful that is. And we're just going to be able to support ourselves for the rest of our lives on a bunch of little coins right?" He chuckled again. "Of course."  
  
Bugley grinned a toothy grin. "A'course!"  
  
Boss smiled. "Well then, you perfect, stupid, mindless...IDIOT!!!" He finally screamed in the other Orc's big ear, causing Bugley to yelp and quickly scramble away. "WHY DON'T WE JUST DROP THE IDEA OF GETTING UTTERLY AND COMPLETELY RICH AND GO DIGGING IN THE DUST FOR A FEW LITTLE COINS!!!"  
  
Bugley blinked. "You mean like a treasure hunt?" He asked in a bit of confusion.  
  
Boss slumped. He turned to Pugley and Slim. "Now do you see why I am the leader?"  
  
Pugley and Slim's eyes immediately wandered to the very short distance that ran between their leader's shoes and head. "Err..."  
  
"Oh, you idiots..." Boss plopped down on the ground and began rubbing his head in pure fury. "What did I ever do to be stuck with you?"  
  
"Well, the same reason we're stuck with you Boss!" Bugley said cheerfully. "We just weren't accepted in Mordor, that's all!"  
  
"Yeah, it's nobody's fault." Pugley added.  
  
"Except ours." Slim corrected with an equally cheerful smile.  
  
"Oh yeah." Pugley agreed.  
  
Boss glared daggers at each one of them. "All right fine. You think this is all fine and dandy, then one of you go grab that big club over there and go kill our two prisoners."  
  
Elrond and Gimli stiffened against the stalagmite they were still tied tightly to.  
  
The other Orcs blinked.  
  
"You really want us to do that Boss?" Slim asked, a bit unsure.  
  
"YES!!!" Boss bellowed. "Why, to NOT kill them after trying SO many times to get them to send us the money, and all they give in return is BIG FAT STINKING APOLOGETIC LETTERS would be......" He paused for dramatic tension as the well-known word crept down from his brain and entered in the range of hearing... "Incongruous."  
  
The other Orcs blinked again.  
  
Finally, Bugley sighed. "All right Boss. Whatever you say." The huge Orc stood up, walked over to were a big wooden club was propped up against the wall, and snatching it lazily from its spot, he started walking over to the two captives.  
  
Elrond and Gimli's eyes widened in alarm. Would they really do it? Would these Orcs really kill them?  
  
"Uh...uh...NO!!!" Gimli finally yelped as Bugley came rather close to the stalagmite and started measuring the swinging distance that he would need in order to crack both their heads in one blow. "NOOOO!!!"  
  
"Hold on just a minute!!" Elrond put in quickly.  
  
Bugley stopped. (author snickers as tension in room lessens considerably)  
  
Elrond looked slyly at the massive Orc. "Do you really want to kill us now?" He asked challengingly.  
  
Bugley blinked uncertainly, looking at Boss for help.  
  
Boss nodded like an Orc possessed. "So DO it you IDIOT!!" He commanded.  
  
Bugley gave a nod a raised the club up high above his head.  
  
"NOOOO!!!" Gimli screamed.  
  
"WAIT!!!" Elrond yelled.  
  
Bugley stopped. "What?" He asked, wondering if he was doing this all wrong or something. Hmmm...maybe swinging it from a different angle would satisfy the captives more...  
  
"You know, big fellow," Elrond started talking once again. "If you kill us this way, you are going to make quite a mess when you do it. After all, first you swing that thing at us really hard, and then do you know what happens next?"  
  
Bugley gulped and shook his head.  
  
"Well," Elrond said mysteriously, trying hard to hide a smile. "When that club comes in contact with our heads, our skulls will burst open with a big crack, and all of our brains will ooze out onto the floor."  
  
"EEEWWWWWW!!!" Slim and Pugley shrieked, staggering backwards a few paces.  
  
"YUCK!!!" Gimli bellowed.  
  
Bugley began to shake right down to the very firm foundations of his gigantic being.  
  
Boss' eye twitched.  
  
Elrond bit his lip really hard for a few seconds to keep from smiling, then went on with his little horror tale. "And then our mouths will drop open, and blood and pink globs will drip out of our ears and our eyes." He stopped to think. "Come to think of it, our eyes might even pop out of our heads the moment you hit us..."  
  
"EEEEEEEWWWWWW!!!" Slim and Pugley screamed.  
  
"DISGUSTING!!!" Gimli shouted.  
  
Bugley began whimpering, the club suddenly seeming too heavy for his now- wobbly arms.  
  
Boss' eye twitched more rapidly.  
  
"But that's not the worst part." Elrond admitted quite casually. "The worst part is when you hit us again to make sure we're dead and our heads fly right off our shoulders..."  
  
"STOOOOOOPPP!!!" Slim, Pugley, and Bugley screeched.  
  
"I DON'T WANNA DIIIIEEE!!!" Gimli sobbed, beginning to whine at the very thought of going through such agonizing torture.  
  
Boss' eye was now twitching so rapidly that you would have thought he had a splinter stuck in there. "And...and there would be no way we would ever get paid..." He realized in horror.  
  
Elrond nodded. "Exactly."  
  
Boss was completely still for a few more seconds as Gimli and the other Orcs wailed and screamed to be spared from such a gruesome thing as that, then finally, he broke the very loud ruckess with his own exceptionally loud voice.  
  
"SHUT UP!!!"  
  
Everyone immediately stopped talking to look wide-eyed at the short Orc.  
  
Boss smiled in satisfaction. "Good. Now..." He stood up and began pacing around. "If we are not going to kill these guys, then we are going to need another plan!"  
  
The other Orcs blinked. (predictably)  
  
"Okaayyy...so, what kind of plan are we doing this time?" Pugley asked.  
  
Boss opened his mouth to say something very strong and reassuring...but the words never came.  
  
The other Orcs waited expectantly.  
  
There was complete silence as Boss' face froze in that position of proclomation, the words not coming from his black-toothed mouth.  
  
After about a minute of this silence, Gimli finally broke it with a loud, "Well?!?"  
  
Boss' mouth snapped closed and he glared dangerously at the Dwarf. "You DARE interrupt me when I am talking?!"  
  
Gimli rolled his eyes. "Oh no, never. You just weren't TALKING!!!"  
  
"Oh, yes I was!!" Boss insisted. "I just wasn't saying anything out loud."  
  
"All right, then would you mind saying something out loud?" Elrond said simply.  
  
Boss glared at him in turn. "This is all none of your business!!!" He announced. "Infact, I order you both to cover your ears!"  
  
Elrond and Gimli stared at him.  
  
"Well, we would if our HANDS were free!!" Gimli shouted.  
  
Boss growled. "Cover your ears anyway." He muttered, turning around to go talk to the other Orcs.  
  
Elrond and Gimli glanced in confusion at each other.  
  
A few minutes later, the huddle of Orcs was broken, and they all turned to look at the prisoners.  
  
"We have come to a conclusion." Boss announced.  
  
Elrond raised an eyebrow.  
  
Gimli snorted.  
  
Boss grinned importantly. "We are going back into the city...and we are going to bring someone ELSE here!!" He declared.  
  
Elrond's eyes widened. "No, no, no, don't do that!!"  
  
Boss' smile faded and his eyes narrowed into a glare. "Are you telling me what to do?! Why that's just...just...incongruous!!"  
  
Elrond rolled his eyes. "It won't do any good to bring someone else here. If they haven't sent the money for me or Gimli, then they're not going to send it for anyone."  
  
Gimli sniffled. "I bet they're all stopping Father from sending the money!" He said dramatically. "I bet they have him locked up in a closet and won't let him out until he promises that he won't send the gold...and I bet they're only feeding him bread and water too!!"  
  
Elrond rolled his eyes. "That will be the day." He grumbled.  
  
Gimli growled at him.  
  
"Well, we're not listening to you!" Boss said firmly. "We're going to get someone else..." He leaned in closer. "And we want you to tell us who we should get."  
  
Elrond and Gimli looked at each other again.  
  
Who in the world would be the right choice for such a thing like that?  
  
It had to be someone important...  
  
Someone worth something...  
  
Someone somewhat smart...  
  
Someone who had a connection to Elrond or Gimli in someway...  
  
Someone who was a big part in the situation of not sending the money...  
  
Someone like...  
  
'Aragorn.' Elrond concluded.  
  
After all, if Boromir didn't miss him to death, then surely Arwen would.  
  
And another nice thing was, was that Aragorn always liked to take walks by himself out in the forest at night.  
  
The target was perfect.  
  
It was set.  
  
And finally, once and for all, surely there was a chance that they might get out of this...alive at least.  
  
Heeeheeheehee. Happy now? Man, I tell you, these Orcs sure have a way with getting gold...let's just hope that Aragorn's the right pick now!...but I warn you. Not all things are as they seem. evil grin  
  
(Orcs come running up to front of computer. "Ok Miss Authoress! I'll tell you what. If we don't get the gold this time around, we're going to take all your reviewers and hold THEM for ransom!!!)  
  
(Melphie glares daggers. "Oooohhhh no you don't!! I'll make you all get caught by some Elven picnic-people and DIE in this story if you do any such thing...and either way, I warn you. My readers and reviewers are either extremely fast, or very good at fighting. I wish you luck.")  
  
Ok, you heard the Orcs. Run for your lives, but make sure you leave a review behind if you can. RUUUUUNNN!!! points wildly to Reader Safe-House that all fanfiction authoresses build for their readers just in case characters in story rebel 


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: You guys know what I'm gonna say. ;0)  
  
Oh man, you people all ROCK!!! Thank you so much for the reviews. Really keeps me moving!  
  
Breck: Heh! I know it! The way Boss uses that word is actually a shoot-off from the book/movie "The Princess Bride", because there is this one fellow that always says, "inconcievable." But I didn't want to say that same thing, so I just said something else. :0) Thanks so much for the review!!  
  
Ainu Laire: Ah! Ah! Ah! (grabs Aragorn madly) You're not saving Aragorn, 'cause he's gotta big part to play in the story ahead! (blinks) And, uh, yeah you did kinda' go fangirl there for a moment...but that's ok. Not all fangirls are bad! (points proudly to T-shirt that has "Insane LOTR Fangirl" on it) Mwahahaha! Thanks for the review Ainu! And here's the next chappie...  
  
Angelofdarkness2003: Awww. (blushes beet-red) Thanks Angel! You made my heart do a weird little dance of happiness when I saw your review. Maybe you really are an angel...(awed look upwards) Oh, and you like Bugley?? Haha!! I know, I love that guy too! I'm glad you like him. He always likes to know he has friends. (cringes as Boss' voice screams out "A GOOD ORC HAS NO FRIENDS!!!") Ho boy. I guess Bugley will never be a good Orc then. (grins) But anyway, thanks for the review Angel! (bows) And here's the new chapter!  
  
Nothinglikeyou'veseen: YAAAYY!!! (gives bone-crunching hug) Another review from you my nothing'ness friend!! Yeah, it took me a while to sort out that whole part with Elrond's evil explanation, but I had fun writing it! :0) Hehe, yeah. To tell you the truth, Aragorn's gonna have a bigger part in this than meets the eye...especially after what happens next...(EVIL grin) You were waiting on baited breath for me?? Oh no!!! I had better—(stops) Wait...did you say...Aragorn AND Legolas on top?!? NOOOO!!! (frantically sorts through folders of chapters) Aha! Chapter 12! Here it is!! (sticks it up on faster than lightning) There! There! wipes forehead Whew! Ok! Here's your next chappie my wonderful nothing'ness friend! And God Bless you as well! (bows)  
  
AN: Oh, and on the subject of "not all things are as they seem", as I mentioned earlier, in this chapter you're going to see why. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ceiling and chandelier fall down on head Now what did I do to deserve both of those things?!? Oh yeah. Reader suspense. Heeheehee. chimney rattles menacingly Uhhhh...I didn't mean that!!! covers head Hmmm...better get Gimli and his workers in here again...  
  
Well, let's see...picks up menu what would be the best thing to eat with this chapter? Hmmm...looks at appetizers I know! Chips and salsa. Best kinda' snack there is!...well, for this chapter anyway. So order up and get ready for the next chapter!  
  
----  
  
Chapter 12  
  
Arwen sighed as she put the last clean dish in the cupboard for the night, drying her hands on a dishtowel and then turning to leave the kitchen.  
  
It had been another long, worrisome day for her, wondering if her father and Gimli were alive, or if Boromir's slightly crazy plans were going to work or not. I mean...surely those awful people out there would kill their prisoners for receiving three letters like that...  
  
Shuddering at the very thought, Arwen forced it from her mind and started turning down all the lamps in the house instead. It was late...nine o'clock she predicted, so she knew she ought to be getting to bed very soon, but she was in charge of making sure the house was properly shut down before doing so.  
  
Suddenly, just as she was turning down the last lamp, very familiar, loud, excited footsteps came from upstairs, and in no time, she spotted Aragorn and Boromir racing from their rooms and happily trotting down the steps...right towards the front door.  
  
Arwen frowned. "Where are you two going?" She called after them.  
  
Both Men immediately stopped in their tracks.  
  
"Uhhh...just outside, shnookums!" Aragorn explained happily.  
  
"Yeah, uh, just to go for a nice nightly-time walk!" Boromir added.  
  
Arwen sighed. "All right then. But don't stay out too late or you'll be very tired tomorrow."  
  
"Oh, don't worry about it, shnookums!" Aragorn said happily. "Who knows? We might even run into Pops and Gimlikins!" And with that, both Men were out the door like a shot, leaving the front door swinging, as usual.  
  
Arwen sighed and went to close it, forbidding herself to lock it once she did so, for she didn't want the Men to have to climb down the chimney or something.  
  
With this accomplished, the Elf maiden turned around and started to head for her own room, hoping that Aragorn and Boromir would be back soon...and that they wouldn't run into any trouble.  
  
--  
  
"Aw man, this is really cool, buddy!" Boromir said excitedly, looking around the certain area of Rivendell that Aragorn always walked at night. "It's a great idea to walk here every night!"  
  
"You bet it is!" Aragorn agreed. "And it's a place I know Poppsy will never come looking for me!" And giggling like a maniac, the dandy Dunadan happily hopped across a small stream that ran alongside their path, and raced happily into the forest.  
  
Boromir grinned and ran after him, eager to see just where Aragorn would take him next.  
  
But neither of them realized the danger at hand.  
  
Four sets of Orcish eyes peeped out of the bushes just a little south of where they were heading, all looking very dangerous.  
  
Well, actually only one set was looking dangerous, the others were looking kind of nervous.  
  
"Uhhh...Boss?" The voice that belonged to one of the pairs of eyes said.  
  
"What?!" Hissed Boss' voice.  
  
"How're we gonna catch this Aragorn guy?"  
  
"It'll be very easy. You know the description the Elf gave us!"  
  
"Oh yeah...but still...what if he bites?"  
  
"Oh, you idiot he's not gonna bite!!"  
  
"But the Elf said that he was crazy!"  
  
"So what?! You can't believe what an Elf says."  
  
"Then why are we out here at all?!?"  
  
"SSHHHHH!!! You idiot!! You're going to give us away!!"  
  
"Sorry Boss."  
  
"I do not forgive you. Now let's move out!"  
  
And with that, the four Orcs crept eagerly from their hiding place and started after the Men, hauling their big sack with them and praying that nothing would go wrong.  
  
And so the chase began.  
  
It was dark outside, so this created a problem for the Orcs. Why? Because in the dark, Aragorn and Boromir looked almost exactly the same.  
  
To our Orcs, one minute Aragorn would be standing over by the path, and the next minute he would be sitting on the rock ledge that was way in the forest.  
  
"Man, this guy has a way of getting around!" Pugley said seriously.  
  
"Maybe he's a ghost!" Slim suggested, his eyes going huge on his very thin face.  
  
"Don't say that!!" Bugley wailed.  
  
"SSHHHHHH!!!" Boss hissed furiously. "Do you want him to hear us?!?"  
  
"At the moment, I'm not sure whether that would matter or not!" A very scared Pugley said.  
  
Boss looked at them all in disbelief. "You really believe that this stupid little creature is a ghost?"  
  
The other Orcs all glanced at each other.  
  
"Well...uh..." Slim began.  
  
"Kinda'..." Bugley admitted.  
  
Boss' face was growing very red.  
  
Not a good sign.  
  
"Well then," He said sweetly, another very bad sign. "You can all just march on back to the cave while I get Aragorn, and when the ransom money comes, I'm going to take all of it, and leave you all for dead!!!!"  
  
The other Orcs cowered at the very thought...then stopped.  
  
"But Boss...you don't have the donkey." Bugley reminded him.  
  
Boss blinked. "So what?!"  
  
"Well, how're you s'posed to get around?" Pugley asked.  
  
Boss' beady little eyes narrowed. "I have legs you know, you mindless idiot!! Now enough talk!! Let's go get us that human-fellow!" And with that, the rather short Orc started marching off determinedly in the direction that the Men were still going.  
  
The Orcs all sighed and started after him, clearly unsure about what was going to happen next, and just what they were up against.  
  
--  
  
"Wow, this sure is an awesome place buddy!" Boromir said excitedly as he and Aragorn happily skipped down the path, looking around this way and that. "We should do this more often!"  
  
"Yeah!" Aragorn agreed happily. "And maybe we can even go jumpin' the falls once in a while!"  
  
"Woa, that sounds great!" Boromir agreed, not noticing the pair of arms that tried to snatch him from behind a bush.  
  
"And we can go bunji-jumpin' too!" Aragorn added, not noticing the thing dangling from the tree above him that was this close to grabbing his head.  
  
"And cliff-hangin'!" Boromir exclaimed, narrowly missing a swipe from another pair of arms that were sticking out of an empty log.  
  
"And cliff-climbin'!" Aragorn said.  
  
"And waterfall climbin'!"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"And maybe we can even take Arwen sometime!"  
  
"No way. Shnookums could get hurt."  
  
"Yeah, but she could cook campfire meals for us!"  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
"And we could also go river-hopping."  
  
"Ohhh, that sounds fun!"  
  
"Yeah, and we can go swimming too if we want."  
  
"Awesome!"  
  
"And we could skip stones!"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"And we could die!"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"And we could—"  
  
That was the exact last thing Boromir said before a bag was brought down right over him, and he was dragged mercilessly into the bushes.  
  
Aragorn stopped after a few more feet, noticing that Boromir wasn't making very much noise anymore. He looked around in confusion. "B?" He looked the other way. "B, where are ya?"  
  
Boromir was nowhere in sight.  
  
This, needless to say, greatly confused our Rangerly friend, and scratching his head, the confused Man suddenly got the impression that perhaps his buddy was playing a game with him.  
  
Hide-and-seek.  
  
And so for the next fifteen minutes, Aragorn ran around the area, looking for Boromir and checking each and every hiding place that he thought would be possible for a Gondorian guy to hide...  
  
But he never found him.  
  
The Orcs sure did though! And they were having a very rough time getting their new charge away from the scene.  
  
"Man, this guy is almost as bad as that Elf guy!" Pugley commented as they all struggled to haul the wriggling sack back towards the invisible path that led through the woods.  
  
"Shhh!!!" Boss hissed. "We don't want him to know we have the Elf guy yet!"  
  
"But he's bound to have found out by now!" Slim insisted, dodging a very close blow from the flailing form inside the sack.  
  
"Whatever." Boss grumbled. "Let's just concentrate on getting him back to the cave now!"  
  
"Uh...ok..." Bugley agreed nervously, narrowly dodging a punch in the nose.  
  
"Man, we're gonna be the luckiest Orcs alive if we manage to get back to our hideout in two pieces." Pugley sighed wearily, realizing that death could very well be close for each one of them.  
  
Boss glared dangerously at him. "Don't you DARE say such things!!!" He ordered angrily.  
  
"Sorry Boss." Pugley mumbled miserably.  
  
--  
  
Well, it took a great deal of doing, but the Orcs did manage to get their captive back to the cave...thank the Valar.  
  
Elrond and Gimli were very quick to stop their actions of trying to escape the moment they saw the Orcs coming, and quickly pretended that they had dozed off while their captors were out getting their new captive.  
  
The moment the Orcs got inside the cave though, both the Elf Lord and the Dwarf took a good look at the situation.  
  
All the Orcs were covered in bruises, (if they could be seen under all that dirt) and some had bloody noses and others had black, swollen eyes.  
  
Boy, if Aragorn was in that sack, he was quite a fighter.  
  
Imagine their shock when a very angry Boromir was dumped out of the sack and onto the floor, looking extremely angry, and not in the least bit like Aragorn.  
  
Elrond and Gimli stared at him.  
  
And they had thought that this was impossible to screw up.  
  
------  
  
Just a'when I thought things couldn't get worse...  
  
Shania Twain  
  
----  
  
----  
  
And then there were seven. Eheeeheeeheee!!! Got you all again! Now they've got Boromir as company in that cave! Man, that really creates catastrophe.  
  
And just what is our other group going to do without their master planner?  
  
They might just have the give the money over. (gasp)  
  
Review and you'll get to find out what happens next a whole lot faster, I garauntee it!! 


	13. Chapter 13

**(peeks cautiously into room, looks around, slips in, locks door behind her, and starts walking around in dust-infested storytelling place) Well, well, well, lookie who hasn't been here in ages…(reaches up and tries to turn on light, but chandelier almost falls on head) YEEK! That was a close one…guess my luck still hasn't worn off then…(looks up at screen) Uh…hey everybody…guess who's back? Yeah, I know it's incredible. It's unbelievable. Why, it's not even reasonable. And to put it in a wiser sense…well, it's _incongruous_. (shrugs) Get my meaning? Ok. **

**But now…**

**I'VE MISSED YOU GUYS SO MUCH! (throws self at feet of readers and blubbers pathetically) I cannot believe I abandoned you for that long, but something REALLY bad happened to my computer, and it was no longer allowing me to get onto my account on So after a few months of trying and waiting, I finally gave up. But I checked back in on my NEW computer…and it WORKS! Yes! Now maybe I can put just a few more chapters up…even if we don't finish…just for fun, you know? For old time's sake? (dusts of action figures of LOTR characters and Four Orcs) Man oh man…**

**But if you guys are willing to bare with me, we can stick another chapter up on the screen for you guys to inspect! I sure hope you like it. It's been waitin' a long time to get up there…**

Disclaimer: You guys all know the drill. :)

Chapter 13 

"BOROMIR?" Elrond almost yelped at the sight of the Man that was spilled out of the sack, and Gimli almost sang a high A in soprano when he realized the mistake that had been made. "You grabbed BOROMIR!"

"OBVIOUSLY!" Boromir grouched, shooting nasty looks back at the Orcs before trying to get to his feet, but Bugley quickly moved in with some rope to tie him up…as sloppily as it was done…

"What do you mean!" Boss demanded, looking next to panicked as he looked at Elrond. "You mean…this isn't the guy you WANTED?"

"Nope. He's not crazy enough." Elrond stated simply, looking as if he was accepting a very nasty doom in his own mind as he looked at the Man that was looking fit to rip Bugley limb from limb as he was tied up. But he could already see that a certain bloody spot on the Man's leg was probably doing a lot of hampering in his movements. "This fellow is…well, more of an inventor. The one you were SUPPOSED to get is a RANGER!"

"YES!" Gimli wailed on top of that, although he really didn't know what was going on, but he was panicked enough to scream about it anyway.

"NOOO!" Pugley and Slim shrieked.

"YEEESSS!" Gimli wailed.

"NOOOO!" Pugley and Slim shrieked.

"SHUT UP!" Boss screamed, causing a few particles of dust and rubble to fall from the ceiling of the cave. "IDIOTS! YOU'RE ALWAYS SCREAMING AND YELLING! And the fact that we MIGHT have made a mistake is just..._incongruous_."

"And yet you made the mistake." Elrond responded in a very scholarly fashion.

"No we did NOT!" Boss insisted, his small form looking puffed up at the mere suggestion of it.

"Then why do you have Boromir instead of Aragorn?" Elrond asked simply.

Boss opened his large mouth to speak at that…but nothing ended up coming out, so he shut it again with a little click, and started muttering crazily to himself as he turned around to start pacing around the back of the cave, earning himself several worried looks from the other three of his companions.

And Boromir was now tied down with _four ropes_, due to a very tired Bugley who was getting tired of holding him down.

**ooo**

By the time Aragorn had actually figured out that Boromir had been kidnapped, Arwen was already crying for the sake of the inventor, Legolas was just kind of standing still and thinking about something that Aragorn could NOT interprete for the life of him, Gloin was sitting on the couch in a perfect Dwarven pout, and…well, Gandalf, as usual, wasn't really doing anything.

"…uh…so yeah…um…that's basically the scooper-pooper." Aragorn finished with a small clap of his hands, looking at his remaining companions for any sign of support…but it turned out that no one really was feeling very hopeful at the moment at the thought of going at this without their plot-man. "Uhhh…any comments?"

"This is not good." Legolas mumbled.

"We're going to die." A very tearful Arwen sobbed.

"You're all stupid." Gloin grouched.

"Uh…duh…where's Boromir and stuff?" Gandalf asked a moment later.

Aragorn blinked. "Er…right…ok then…uh…so, who's up for makin' a Plan…er, whatever its number is?"

No reply.

"Uh…how 'bout you shnookums?"

Arwen just sniffled, looking up at him whilst dabbing her beautiful face with her laced handkerchief.

"Uh…you Legsie?"

Legolas shrugged. "Oh, I'll be up for it. Just as soon as I hear what the plan is going to _be_." He said, crossing his arms and shaking his head at the reasoning Ranger. "We're just about out of luck without Boromir here."

"Aigh, don't be so _negative!_" Aragorn waved him off, giving him a grouchy look before walking over to a table behind them and starting to shove all the papers off of it as if that was its sole purpose. "I was always better at thinkin' up those plots than B anyway! Why, you just wait til' you hear what I'VE got in store for us!"

"How about sending the money?" Legolas suggested, pushing himself off the wall and frowning as if this were the most obvious thing ever. "I'm sure we could get some…_donations _from other kingdoms or something to help pay off the debt! I could even write to my father if we—"

"No WAY are we askin' the Icey King for ANYTHIN'!" Aragorn immediately said, looking wild-eyedly scared for a minute as he finished swiping the desk clean of all occupents, then quickly flipped over one of the most important documents of Rivendell (that had been coincidentally kept on the desk) and started scribbling all over it with a purple crayon that he had produced impressively from his Ranger-coat pocket. "I'll just draw us a map here so we'll know what we're up against…"

Arwen and Legolas exchanged doubtful looks.

Gloin stared at it as if he were trying to decipher it with Super-Dwarf vision or something.

Gandalf just watched with eyes the size of saucer plates.

It took a few seconds, but when Aragorn finished he gave a triumphant yell, holding up the finished "map" with great flare…and letting everyone behold the maze of colorful lines and circles and squiggles that he had drawn upon the sacred paper. "Pretty good huh? Looks just like Rivvy huh?"

"Um…it's very nice sweetie." Ever patient and sweet Arwen replied, tears still on her pretty face but a kind look of appreciation in her lovely eyes. Legolas, on the other hand, didn't seem quite so impressed. Neither did Gandalf, but that was only because he didn't know what was going on anyway. Gloin just snorted, muttering something about Gimli being able to draw way better than that or something.

"What is it?" Legolas finally asked after a few seconds of silence.

Aragorn stared at him as if he had just said that he had seen Sauron down by the beach in a pair of Hawaiin swim trunks. "Well, whaddya' mean _what is it_! It's Plan B! In other words, the plan that B never got to finish. Hehe. Cool huh? And it's EXACTLY what we're gonna need to get those guys out of there!"

"But…didn't Boromir have something _else _in mind than actually going in there and pulling them out?" Legolas asked cautiously, now looking a bit worried as he could see that Aragorn was _way _to confident about this so-called "plan" of his…

"Well…yeah…but that's Boromir. Not _Aragorn_." Aragorn concluded with a very happy smile, turning around after that, crumpling up the "map", and sticking it safely in his pocket. "Ok now. It's just a simpily-simple matter of bait, come, and grab. And we'll do it _tomorrow night_."

"Um…why tomorrow night?" Arwen asked rather worriedly.

"Because ya guys won't be READY anytime sooner!" Aragorn insisted, now looking very excited as his plan became more and more real to him with each passing moment. "You guys all gotta know your parts _perfectly_…and if ya do that, there's no WAY we're gonna fail…and we STILL won't be sendin' the money! Haha!"

"Ha ha." Legolas responded, looking rather confused before the dandy Dúnadan grabbed him and Arwen and started pulling him into the other room, jabbering all the while about how they needed to "rehearse", and what kind of parts they were going to be playing, while Gloin followed along, demanding to be included, and Gandalf just followed meekly behind.

There was no telling what Aragorn had up his sleeve, but something was telling Legolas and Arwen that it was going to get _all _of them in a lot of trouble.

**ooo**

"…and then he's probably gonna go hanging Legolas off of the edge of a cliff to try and _swing _at us…" Boromir mumbled drearily, his head lolled on his shoulder as he spoke numbly to his two fellow prisoners on either side of him, staring off at the wall and not seeming to respond to anything. "…maybe even tossing Miss Arwen in the process…and then they'll set the whole place on fire…"

Gimli gave a loud whimper at that one, but that wasn't anything out of the ordinary, because each time Boromir named another disastrous thing that he was certain the other group was going to do, he always made a small noise of distress. After all, this was pretty scary stuff they were dealing with!

"…he doesn't know _half _the stuff he needs to about manuevering, so he'll probably try to set up a trap with Gandalf as bait or somethin', and then get _him _captured too, and then he'll try to _ambush _and get _all _of us stuck until there's absolutely no one else left to fish us out." The inventive Gondorian finally concluded, looking over at both of the other captives with an ending smile. "Sound like Aragorn to you?"

"Oh yes." Elrond ground out, having previously been turning angrier and angrier with each thing that Boromir named, because he knew _full well _that that was exactly something that demented Dúnadan would do. And it made him SO mad. I mean, come on, that crazy mortal was supposed to be supporting his daughter for the rest of their lives!

"Not to mention what'll happen if these Orc-guys decide to kill us even before they come." Boromir added lightly, idly watching a spider crawl across the floor in front of them. "Then they'd _really _get it."

"I want my FATHER!" Gimli wailed, but regretted it a moment later when a tiny rotten tomato hit him in the forehead. Boss was still obviously in a very bad mood.

"I'm sure he's just dandy about this whole circumstance as well." Elrond replied, his dangerous eyebrows still terribly low on his forehead. "Infact, I'm guessing he'll probably play the part of the bait along with Gandalf. He'd be fat enough at least."

"HOW DARE YOU!" Gimli roared, but the only reward he got for that was another little rotten tomato in the forehead. Boss was _still _obviously in a very bad mood.

"_You idiots be quiet or we're REALLY going to kill you!_" The enraged leaderly Orc screamed back at them, but that scream was soon echoed by other screams from the other Orcs, begging him not to do that and starting to tell him all over again about everything Elrond had described on the subject of killing them.

"I'm sure." Elrond muttered, and Boromir just thunked his head back against the stalagmite. Boromir, of all people, knew how _dangerous _Aragorn was when he became set on a plan of his...and heaven knew his plans were always enough to panic about. Why, just a few summers ago it had been his own engenius idea to pour dishwater soap in Galadriel's mirror. Everyone could guess how _that _one turned out…

And as Aragorn sat happily in his bed that night, stitching up a perfectly fake-looking bag of gold with his own Rangery threads and needles…one could only guess how correct Boromir would be in his assumptions.

Ok…chapter 13 is there. I don't know how anyone's going to forgive me for being absent in this for almost a year now…but I did get another chapter up! And though this may be my last one, at least I've put up a chapter for 2005. (droops head meekly) Another huge apology to everyone out there. I've really missed you guys!

…**please review? (pitiful pleading look)**


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